The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I received a message yesterday from the father of my two oldest daughters. I still randomly send pictures not really having the expectations that he will respond. I have learned to accept that knowing he suffers greatly from his disease. I know that when there is silence its really bad. Each time I find he comes closer to death. I used to have a instinct that I needed to go "help" him. I have learned how to detach lovingly thanks to learning through Al anon a new and healthier way to recover from the disease of alcoholism. I may not be the alcoholic but wow was I ever addicted to my alcoholics. I still needed to have a good cry. I then prayed and asked to remove that thought to jump in the car and go pick him up because there is a healthier environment for him near by. Its just not my job. I have been raising my daughters and with as much compassion as possible not tried to feed them anger or hatred for a man who is unable to care for himself. That is enough.
The father of my youngest daughter called and broke down wanting to come home. Again, I cried and prayed and continue to the best of my ability to take care of me and my daughters in the most healthy manner as possible. That is enough.
It helps being able to share with others that have an understanding from their own similar experiences. There are very few I can share these thoughts with. There is a lot of judgement, blame, and ridicule that exist. Its comforting to know that sometimes just listening and just being there are enough. Please don't try to fix it for me. Leave me to figure things out but hold my hand in support along the way. I will need to vent, and pour my heart out. I may fall into despair but don't pull me out, just help light the way and when I am strong enough I will walk to it on my own. They too need that very same support. Its like when you have been in complete darkness for a long period of time and then step out into a bright sun filled sky. The rays are powerful and it takes time for the eyes to adjust. There is no exact amount of time calculated in general that says everyone's eyes will be adjusted at this exact moment. There are some common variables but they are indeed still variables in the equation.
When I truly feel my powerless as stated in step one it hurts. My children's father is an active compulsive gambler whose disease has destroyed his life.
When I detached it progressed and like you all I can do is hand him over to HP and TRUST!!!
My current partner is the alcoholic who has been sober for 2 years nearly and I can now see that HP never stepped in till I got out of the way.
I too was addicted to fixing broken people. My new tests are regarding my children who are becoming adults I love them so so much and have a picture in my head how I want their lives to be ha ha it isn't going to my plan ha ha . Again I have to hand over to HP and trust.
It is getting easier I think I am slowly realising that HP is in charge of others lives this frees me up to live mine.
