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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Small victory for me ... I think
Post Info TOPIC: Small victory for me ... I think
Sallygcoe


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Small victory for me ... I think
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My AS came over this afternoon, very ainxed (sp?) . He had asked if he could come over and have some dinner. I said yes. When he was here he did not want to talk or be talked to. He just wanted to sit in front of the tv and sulk. I got up and found the next right thing to do... Water plants and unload the dishwasher. Finally I told he he need to get up and do something. He left in a huff accusing me of not wanting him here. I just said I did not want his ainxed here .... He could take that to his house.  I felt bad but know it was best for me. Tiny steps.....



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grateful2be


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Doing what you needed to do to put emotional distance between the disease and your well-being - good work.

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Debilyn


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Welcome to MIP btw.

I want to say, was it you wanted him to do something, or were you taking on his mood? It is up to us how we are going to respond to another person.

My son is not A,but he can be moody. I have learned to ignore it and not worry about it, not my problem. I still enjoy his company.

On the phone I might say ok kiddo sounds like you may not feel like talking, I know you are tired from work or whatever say I love you, call me again! bye honey.

You did nothing wrong. We can decide if we don't want to have someone around who is feeling crabby. We can say how are you doing? We can tell others how we feel about them being here when they are ansy or whatever, that we would rather they come over when they feel better.

Or invite them to  ask us if it is ok to come over and just eat and rest, have some quiet time.

I know it was not easy. And yes people need to know how we want to be treated, that is the only way they will know!

hugs!! keep coming, if  you are crabby or not! (c: 

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Jerry F


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Aloha Sally  and good to have you here.  You done good. I learned I didn't have to have a justification or excuse for having my atmosphere the way I needed it or wanted it.  Its okay to get negativity out of my life and the way...it really is and I had to learn that or else continue practicing being a victim to a whole host of people, places or things that didn't ask me or require me to be a victim.  Today I know how to go about getting my needs met with out feeling guilty or any other negative feelings; there are a ton of them if you choose.  I found out that happiness is an inside job and I am responsible for it.  I am just as responsible  for not choosing and then doing what is needed to feel happy.  Even when things are crazy I can choose happiness.  Being a victim is a choice and it sounds like you know that very well.   Keep coming back.  After he's finished with the poor meeeeees me might be better company.   Pat yourself on the back...you done good.  (((hugs))) smile



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Sallygcoe


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Thank you for the encouraging words. It's so hard when you love them so much. But when all the anxiety is caused because he chooses to continue to drink and drug I have to establish boundaries. I feel good that I did that today. ODAT

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Jerry F


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My eldest son has relapsed and his family is in shards...he has stopped coming over to our place for a big reason.  We don't change our ESH.  If he isn't going to try something different which has worked for others we don't have a magic enabling pill that can make it good for him without his participation.  (((((hugs))))) smile



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