The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's funny how this program has been like a little bottle of spray cleaner in my life. I find myself stating my intentions like its a big deal, then see that my actions actually work against my so called purpose. I find myself slipping back into old habits a bit more frequently lately, so I need to re-read another little book in my library.
I love my little alanon activeboard app on my phone:)!I wake up to the alarm and immediately start reading and smiling:) This morning I have already read several posts that are so great because I hadn't even gotten out of bed and had already applied the posts' wisdom to diffuse a few problems that were already threatening my serenity.
I've been thinking since last night on one of the posts about being able to stay in a marriage with an A. Yes that has definitely been on top of the pile of thoughts in my head for quite some time. Yesterday I had been spending a lot of energy wondering about why I've been with this man for so long. Before coming to alanon I didn't have the awareness or tools to deal with his disease or my own. But now...what's my excuse? What would I say to a loved one in this situation? The answer I kept hearing inside was...Wait and see. So I'm going to go with that for now. I must still have lessons to learn here.
Then, this morning I read something on here that jumped out in Big Red Letters;):
The Three A's: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action..Yes! I'll have that, and could you Supersize it for me? And just like that, HP let me put those 3 A's into practice! The A leaned into my room and said that he was going to work on our friend's jeep, and so he was leaving to go buy parts. I became aware of anger starting to circulate(Awareness). I let the anger go because I Accept that I can't change him. I accept that I will have to take full responsibility for my Actions which will be that I will remember that my A has no part in my reality. Even though he has been aware for the past 3 days that my clutch is slipping on my car, and that it needs to be checked and I have to drive to work everyday up a steep mountain, he is oblivious to any priority in my life.
Okay, so now that I accept that, what will be my Action? Well, I will go and hopefully find a dipstick for the transmission, since there is a cap where the dipstick should be. I will watch videos on how and what I can do myself, to save the $ for the big stuff that will need a real mechanic. I will also be talking to HP all the way up and down the hill today until I can get to the auto parts store in the morning.
Hope you all are having a great day! (((hugs)))
-- Edited by Raven Juniper on Thursday 10th of April 2014 02:09:39 PM
,Dear Raven, I can certainly understand your concern and your knee-jerk reaction to the fact that he is going to fix a friend's car and has not taken any action on yours. You did not react, but examined your motives and decided on a plan B. Good work!
Living with the disease of alcoholism has many challenges and offers many opportunities for growth and self fulfillment. You are a brave woman to consider fixing the clutch on your car and I salute you.
Please be careful and let us know how it works out.
I love reading your thought processes. We do what we have to do when we can't count on those we would like to count on. It hurts, yes it hurts and that was something I had denied for a very long time. I still have to work on seeing and accepting hurt; it is not easy for me. I agree with Betty, you are brave and gutsy to take on that project!
