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Oh dear. I've just gotten back from my meeting. It was wonderful
I rode my bike there, feeling fabulous and free riding in the rain when a car began madly tooting behind me. It was cat lady, who came to a stop beside me shouting and gesturing furiously (she was SO ANGRY!!!) because I wasn't wearing a helmet and I'm SO IRRESPONSIBLE!!! At this point I can only really be amused that she has her knickers in such a twist over me. I'm going to take it as a compliment. I waved back as if she was shouting her greetings to me, grinned madly at her and rode into park to get away wondering if she was crazy enough to crash through the fence and try to run me down in the playground...lol...
Michael Douglas the cat has been confined indoors for the past 2 weeks pending his de-nutting, microchipping and registration and the other night he escaped for a few hours. At 6am my phone started ringing and absolutely HYSTERICAL messages left about how I"M SO IRRESPONSIBLE and she's trapped my cat and the ranger is coming to collect him and I'll have to pay a $200 fine to bail him out. Well either the ranger let him go or he escaped because he turned up at home not long afterwards and I didn't hear another word about it.
This is so nuts! I mentioned at my meeting that it was making me feel horrid and that I dread seeing her and cringe when the phone rings and it was suggested that if I am absolutely polite and courteous to the silly old bat no matter WHAT happens, I won't have that nervy ill feeling because I will know that my behaviour is impeccable and all of the crazy belongs to her. I think that's marvelous advice and quite empowering actually. How will I react if I am confronted by her? With absurd cheerfulness; at worst she might think I'm a bit simple and leave me alone...lol. I like it.
I wonder how much time she spend fuming and being angry about me? Good grief!!
Your opinion of me is none of my business may need to change to your harassment of me and chasing me in your car on a rainy day is a threat to me and my wellbeing. I am going to start a journal to track the days and times you've called me, left notes in my mailbox, and now chased me in a car and turn it over to the local police to see if there is anything they can do to protect me from you.
I know you've already asked this gal to leave you alone and she isn't doing that. If it were me, I'd see her behavior as harassment and stalking. Those are crimes in America. I don't like what I'm reading here, Melly. It is a very threatening situation to my way of thinking.
Dear Melly I am glad that both YOU and "Michael Douglas" are home safe after escaping from the "Cat Lady". Another chapter for that book that appears to be writing itself
It is fantastic that you have found a face to face meeting that you can connect with and feel the understanding and support that you deserve. I love the suggestion that if you treat the cat lady,or anyone else with courtesy and respect, no matter what- all the craziness will be on her part. I have learned not to ever abandon my serenity for anyone else no matter what. This tool could also apply to your ABF. I agree if this continues then a report to the police would be the next step
Thanks all.
It's true, when someone is behaving in such a deranged fashion, it really is best to just smile and wave, isn't it? I was previously worried because she was telling the neighbours all of these terrible evil things that I have done (owned a cat, spoken to her whilst walking my dog, ridden my bike 2 blocks without a helmet) but it occurs to me that in reality, they are probably just really grateful to me for taking all of her attention for so long. I bet they have been getting away with murder while she has been carefully monitoring me!
I tried telling her firmly to stop her harrasment. That was when I visited her whilst walking the dog and she shrieked "Oh you've come around with your gang to attack me!" and she has reported my "attack" to the police and the council. A few weeks later I was away with my parents and she began calling repeatedly to tell me my cat was out and if I didn't come and collect it, she would take him to the shelter. So I called ABF and he went around to get the cat but she didn't answer her door. I didn't know it until recently but she actually called the police and told them I had "sent around a bully to threaten her". I wasn't aware that she had taken her nonsense to the police but I do note that they have yet to knock on my door so they can't be too worried.
I can tell you very sincerely that whilst I did on that one occasion speak angrily to her and tell her that she has to stop harrassing me and leave me in peace, she's elderly and frail and shakes with rage and fear whenever she starts her ranting, and I have never and would never behave in a menacing or threatening manner towards anyone let alone a crazy old dingbat, no matter how much trouble she has caused me.
I believe she is trying very hard to create a situation where she can claim that she is being bullied and terrorised; in fact if I was going to analyse the situation (which I am trying not to) I would say that she has claimed to anyone that will listen that I am a monster who is victimising her and now that she gets no response from me whatsoever she is desperately trying to validate her claims by trying to push me into snapping. But no matter. If I stick to "smile and wave" no matter how insane she gets, there isn't much she can do to harm me really, other than force me to keep the cat locked up and change my phone number. I am considering having an informal chat to the police, just to get some advice.
So I was giggling about the situation when the alcoholic I share a house with came home from work, and I told him that I had responded to her by waving and smiling and pretending we were exchanging pleasantries and he said 'that's exactly the way to handle her I reckon, just be insanely friendly no matter what she does. t will drive her nuts". And then he asked me "So why are you in such a good mood? You haven't been friendly to me for ages. I'm going to go and play my computer game now but maybe later tonight we can hook up?"
Ooops. lol. No, I don't think so. But thanks for asking
he said 'that's exactly the way to handle her I reckon, just be insanely friendly no matter what she does. t will drive her nuts". And then he asked me "So why are you in such a good mood? You haven't been friendly to me for ages. I'm going to go and play my computer game now but maybe later tonight we can hook up?"
"I don't need to be friendly to you to drive you nuts - you're already there!"
I admit, I want to go over and give that little frail lady a big hug and tell her she is safe. And I know that may make her even more fearful, so I would hold her in good thoughts. Of course I would protect me first, then have a conversation with my HP to have a conversation with her HP...you have some interesting people in your life!
It occurs to me that the little old lady may not be married to an alcoholic, she may be an alcoholic. They don't always slur and stagger sometimes they just act nuts. Of course she clearly has problems/obsessions, whether or not she's an A.
I love the image of your conversation:
You: I've decided that being friendly and polite towards crazy people is the way to go!
Your A (speaking sincerely): Good idea. Say, you've been really friendly and polite to me lately. You must like me more!
That was my thinking when I paused to smile and say hi in the street a few weeks ago. I figured she's worked herself into such a fearful state, and it might help to be friendly and show her there is no animosity. Unfortunately it just provoked her into a fresh round of crazy and this time it has earned me a $100 fine (or the irritation of having to write letters to avoid said fine) and a whole lot more stress for myself, Michael Douglas the Cat and my poor daughter who loves that cat to pieces and is so angry and upset that he is locked inside, miserable and weeing all over our stuff in protest.
But asking my HP to have a chat with her HP is something I hadn't thought of. I like it.
You're full of good thinking Paula
Maybe HP gave her to me as a kind of "maintenance drug" while I learn to withdraw from the more damaging dramas in my immediate and personal relationships lol. It probably has served that purpose, if I think about it. Maybe it has been a blessing in a sense.
lol David. I lived in NZ for a couple of years you know! My daughter is half a Kiwi. You just reminded me, I must download the last few seasons of Outrageous Fortune. Best-Drama-Ever!!!!
(((David)))
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Wednesday 9th of April 2014 02:22:54 PM
I'm glad you're going to talk things over informally with the police department. My former BIL befriended a guy who was eccentric to an extreme because he saw him as lonely and harmless. One day, many months after my BIL had been friendly in a class with this guy and gone out for coffee with him one or two times, the guy showed up at his house while his wife was at work and he was tending to their 3 children, ages 8 to 3. The guy barricaded them all in my BIL's house with a loaded gun and told my BIL that "somebody" was "going to die today." My MIL, who was nervous about this guy in the first place as my BIL described him, happened to call that morning and could tell that my BIL was in trouble by what he was saying. She asked him if "JV" was there. My BIL said, "Yes," and hung up the phone. My MIL called the police on a day that there was a blizzard in our City and they arrived about the time my BIL who had been a dancer saw a way to pick up his two youngest, kick open the front door and kick his 8 year old into the snow where my FIL and the swat team were able to pull her to safety through the snow. The only thing that saved my BIL from being shot in the back while he ran through the snow barefoot with his children was the fact that JV's gun got caught in his jeans pocket. JV went back into the house where negotiators called him on my BIL's phone and tried to talk him down. He wanted to talk with my FIL who he said had been controlling him with thought waves for years. My FIL who by some miracle was able to drive through the blizzard across town to my BIL's house, got on the phone, told the guy "Let's talk," and then heard two shots. JV shot himself in the head in my in-laws bedroom.
The woman you are describing is more than a cranky neighbor if she is putting mail in your mailbox which in the States is against federal law and following you in her car to tell you that you are irresponsible and should wear a helmet. She is beyond eccentric in my book. Taking your cat into her house or telling you she took it in is a violation of what is respectable behavior to me, too. I don't think even being just friendly to her is going to do anything but maybe put you even more into her mind just like my BIL's friendliness to a man who was a bit strange to my BIL put him in that man's mind more, too.
You know the situation and the person much better than I do but my experience with my BIL's captor (who would also go to drink coffee where my SIL worked and listen to her talk with customers) invites me to share my concern and my experience with you for what it is worth.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 9th of April 2014 07:26:16 PM
Oh, Grateful2Be, that is a sad and terrifying story! I am so glad everyone escaped that situation. But just horrible, and what a terrible return for your BIL's kindness. Of course not every oddball is dangerous, but Melly, do take care of yourself! I know sometimes we Al-Anoners have our "pickers" broken and sometimes are a little too easy-going when there are alarm signals. Stay safe, everyone!
I am laughing so hard act simple and just smile and wave, haha, best ESH ever, makes me think of Forrest Gump on the boat, hey Lieutenant Dan! It is sad about all the mental illness out there, but this is not your to take on and I think you are handling yourself very well! Sending you love and support always!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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