ugh so annoyed - Al-Anon Family Group

mamachief · Member

ugh so annoyed

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

The disease is doing what the disease does. This is your time and no matter what he says without a formal program of recovery the disease will continue to move him towards the alcohol. It is a compulsive disease that can be arrested but not cured. Al-Anon can help you enjoy your time whether or not he continues to drink. I know that your reality is not what you were counting on raising your kids towards, Mamachief, but there are benefits for you in this program that can take the edge off the hurt and disappointment and fear you might be experiencing. Keep coming back.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi mamachief

A alcoholic just can't stop drinking without help if he is having seizures. I know my son couldn't. He has to be on anti seizure meds after he got out of detox. My son had to maintain a certain level BAC just to function so just to stop drinking was not a option for him.

I had to stop my nagging and let him go no matter what happen. I had to start taking care of me and detaching with love and kindness. When the call came in to help him I would say no and told him he knew what to do if he wants help.

You are not alone my friend and I pray your A will seek help but I pray you take care of you.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Mamachief,

I'm glad you're here. It's very difficult to watch our loved ones be on this path, struggle, and self-destruct. Alcoholism/ addiction is a progressive destructive disease that, without abstinence and a supportive program, ends in insanity or death. The disease affects everyone in contact. Begging, pleading, ultimatums, and calling them out on it is not usually effective because this is a very powerful, cunning, and baffling disease. Read all you can about alcoholism, read the MIP posts, attend Alanon face to face meetings, and the meetings hosted by MIP. Alanon provides better perspectives, understanding, and coping skills.

Keep coming back.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Have you read Getting Them Sober volume one?

It sounds like one may want to educate themselves about addiction. As if one knows about it, they are no surprised when their A drinks or does other drugs.

To me it is, of course they drink. Of course saying they are sober means nothing. Their disease is their own business. Al Anon hopes to teach us we gotta let go of them,we have no control over what they do.We can only control what we do. We live our lives and learn to not allow their disease to make us sick.

It would be annoying to think we can control them and keep seeing we cannot.

As the A gets older and uses they get worse and worse, damaging more and more of their body. Many people don't think past it going into their mouths. But this poison is in every cell of their body.Their brains are not their own. They are saturalted with alcohol, not even good in any sense to any organ in the body.

He has progressively broken down more and more. Now that the kids are gone you were hoping for some time with just you two. Sadly your A is not the person you married. He is slowly killing himself.

Your saying anything is only making it worse, the more we get into their business, the more they pull away from us and hide what they are doing. WEll they think they are. What he does, the choices he makes are none of our businesss. Even married we are not the same person. he has a right to do what he is going to do as you do.

besides we are calling them on something we have no control over.

He is very sick, we can expect nothing from him. hugs,debilyn

Beatrice · Senior Member

The one good thing that the disease does for us is to seek help and you have come here. There is nothing we can do for them except get out of there way.
As they have to want to stop for themselves. But lets talk about you. Alanon is for you, face to face meetings and reading the material will bring you along way from
suffering from seeing our loved ones destroy themselves.

There disease will affect us in ways we don't realize, I really hope you join us and stay awhile, it can only be to your benefit.

Keep coming back.
Hugs, Bettina

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Im no longer with my husband but I spent years believing the same lie over and over again and every single time he broke that promise I felt the same surprise and hurt and disappointment every time. How crazy was I? I called him on it every time too. My life was like that movie groundhog day except I never got better at it. There is another way to live, try going to your nearest alanon meeting.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

My x never promised to stop but I kept trying to make him do it. Sigh. It was a waste of time but at the time I didn't know it. So, once I realized I was barking up the wrong tree, I started seeding my own garden and flowers began to grow again for me.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.