The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is Slogan_Jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.
You know...it's funny with all these great things in my life I am getting cold feet....I keep telling myself to take a different route or to hold off on certain things.....hold back on my growth. Looking for reasons not to go forward. I am afraid that I will struggle....I won't be able to handle it and will ultimately fail.
Yet, I can't stop pushing forward...something is guiding me.....I'm in it to far to turn around.....My dad said this is normal....I believe him. Despite the mess his life has been he still managed to keep some semblance of financial stability......I'm just questioning these decision by my higher power.
I was so scared when I bought my first home. Was I going to fail and lose it. I didn't know but I went for it.
1. I had a good job that I was not going to lose.
2. I was not going over my head financially.
3. I had no other debt at the time.
4. I was in good shape to purchase.
I figured I had to pay rent somewhere why not to my own financial future.
You will know if it's right or wrong. So if it happens thats great. If it doesn't happen that's great too.
LOL....if your not talking about buying the condo then everything I said was for my benefit ....and...... NEVERMIND
((( hugs )))) you will know because you can trust you and you know best.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Buying a home and moving are major stressors. Pretty close to death and divorce on the stressor scale. It also is a rite of passage from one stage of living to another.
I was scared when I bought my own home, too, and sometimes I still get scared. I was mowing the lawn one hot day in the dog days of summer. I noticed a woodchuck under my shed who would stick his head out from under it when I was making a pass further away from the shed and then he'd stick it back under as I made a pass closer. It was in the mid-90s that day. All of a sudden, I was aware that that woodchuck had to be thirsty, but he couldn't make it from the shed to the small man-made pond closer to my house if I was mowing. I stopped the mower and left it where it was to go inside. I wanted the woodchuck to be able to get a drink in the heat. I had been worried about my son and my own financial situation because of the market drop as I mowed that day. On the walk into the house, I suddenly realized that God had provided water for that woodchuck and the thought I had that he needed a drink. If God could look out for a woodchuck, I reasoned, then S/He/It could provide for my son and for me. I don't know about your HP, SJ, but I know my HP wants nothing for me but joy, peace and love. It's only my resistance that gets in the way. If I surrender resistance, I gain much more.
Yes, you might fail. But, if you don't make a change you know you can make because you fear the future, you are choosing to fail before you even tried.
Ah, this speaks to me on several levels. The more superficial one because we have just put our house on the market. it is really scarey as well, because you have to have your house sold to buy another house, but you don't know where that other house is, and if you find a house, but can't sell yours, you are up the creek too. My AW is in such good recovery she has helped me maintain my stability during this time, it's been wonderful!
However, on a deeper level, I have uncovered a character defect. I would like to say it was while I was doing fourth step work, but it just came up because of various environmental factors (and some whomps over the head from HP). This character defect is perfectionism.
Everything I do I have to be perfect at. My definition of perfection is to succeed, so basically I have huge fear of failure. It's been so bad the past few years that I have been paralyzed in inaction. I haven't been a good leader of my family. I haven't been able to something like sell our house, even though it is the right time (we think). I haven't been able to renovate my minibarn. Over the past couple of years, my AW has been a great excuse for not doing anything, but that has now let up, and I am still afraid of failure.
I shared this revelation with the wife the other day, because of course I accuse her of being judgmental, and that keeps me judgmental on myself. We came to terms on it on who was judgmental, who wasn't, why it didn't really even matter, etc and how we could move forward from here.
And my revelation that it is OK to fail has come as a huge relief to me and my family. If I fail, it's OK. There is nothing keeping me fro picking up the pieces and trying again. Edison tried some large number of times to perfect his filament for the incandescent light bulb. People remember him for his success, but don't talk about how many times he failed in trying, he was just so dogged and stubborn he kept trying until success.
Jim, perhaps this will help you in some way. If nothing else, it helped me to share here on this. iw will probably start a new thread on the topic, but I wanted to make sure I got this in on this thread.
Good luck to you. And fail or not, you will have tried.
