The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel just lost right now. I am really struggling and why do I think I would get support from an A really I know better. I want so bad to just curl up in a ball and hide from everyone and everything and just stop feeling like this. I cry at my stupid desk at work, who does that. I am just so worn down to nothing. So hey, great idea to expect support from an A because they are just so supportive. I really just want to run away from the world and stop hurting.
Anytime I feel lost it's because I feel I have lost and steered away from my purpose. My purpose is to break the cycle of dysfunction and alcoholism in my family. Maybe you need to seek out HP and have a pow wow.
Also, if you ever feel you really have to cry at work, head into a bathroom stall. That's worked for me.
Uhh...*raises hand*.... Several times this week, in fact!
Hugs to you, and I hope you get a good night's rest. Perhaps there will be some clarity in the morning. I had to make a rule for myself not to think of anything scary if it was dark outside, including bills, money, scary people, regrets, etc.
Thank you. I am just worn very thin and it helps to know other people are there and cry at work too. Not that its a good thing, the crying at work. And yes a good pow wow with HP is absolutely what is needed.
((((mm)))) You have us:) I've started thinking of crying as "growing pains." I know it's not great when you start growing at work though. Yes the bathroom is great for a quick touch-up;)) Keep growing though...you're getting stronger all the time
Hugs hon. Maybe you cry at work because you feel safer to feel real feelings there than at home? Makes sense to me. I know I rarely cry at home now, probably from years of being told that I'm just faking it "to make him feel bad". I do cry away from home, often over minor things; I guess it has to come out somewhere.
Hope you're feeling a little better by now
I've broken down at work plenty of times in the past. Stop being so hard on yourself. It is dark before the dawn. You sound like you are just getting so sick of this that you are willing to go out and take positive risks to get healthy social and emotional support. That could be alanon, church, clubs, spend more time with the friends you have already and less (or none) with the A. Spread yourself out some. It's not wrong to want validation and love from the person you are in a relationship with and it's gut-wrenching to go through the process of realizing they might not be able to give it to you...ever. In the meanwhile, seek out the support and validation elsewhere and continue to give it to yourself and feel it from your HP. Your HP can be there to support, love, and validate you at all times. After a good cry (0r periodic ones), switch it up and get in the solution as much as you can - don't stay in relationship obsession and mourning forever. It takes work to get your needs met in ways that are different than we are used to.
I've done that at work. I like the saying that when you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on. It sounds like you're ready for change and you took that first step in logging on to MIP and posting. When I become so overwhelmed, I now realize that I have to step up my program for things to improve. Work on a step with a sponsor, or work out how to handle situations with other Alanoners. Network a support system, as we all do need one as we build our own confidence and self-esteem.
Thank you all so much. Pinkchip you gave me a lot to think about today and going forward. I wasn't going to shower or brush my teeth, I know so gross, after reading these posts I think I will do that and try to do at least one positive thing today as well as pray as long as it takes to get centered again. Thank you HP for MIP. I also know I am slipping into depression so that's on the list I need to see a doctor and get some medication. (Truly when you don't brush your hair or care or want to get up out of bed its time.)
MM: I've cried at my desk and at a podium and in my car and...and...and. I don't know who it was who decided we can only cry at certain times and in certain places, but I say "Your opinion of me is none of my business." And...if this is any help to you...psychiatrists, psychologists, a spiritual director with a doctorate in pastoral care and counseling all find and found me to be mentally healthy and emotionally stable. There is room for improvement, of course - the reason I'm in recovery for the most part, but I truly believe I am healthy because I allow myself to be human - not perfect and not solidly "professional." There are some things in life that should lead to tears and your feeling beaten down and unsupported at home are two of them. Tears are healing and they help clean out toxins. Better that than a mental breakdown, heart attack, ulcer or other issue.
I just moved from one state to another but when I did have a job I would just sit at my desk and tears would just fall. Now I wake up but I cant shower some days or move or brush my teeth or even eat. I try to convince myself to eat but usually by the time I've made or picked up food Im feeling so anxious that I cant. Basically the bad feeling is so over whelming I dont know what to do. So I can relate as It seems a lot of people really can, But really my question is how do I make it stop?
. Several times this week, in fact! 
