The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My mum is an alcoholic but will NEVER admit it. She has been emotionally torturing my poor dad for three days now. Threatening suicide, blaming him and myself for EVERYTHING that is wrong with her. He looks after her non stop but she constantly bitches at him. Ok I will admit the man is really untidy but she doesn't even get out of bed! She has severe ascites, jaundice and can hardly walk. He bought her drink today. I don't blame him, he can't handle the abuse. I know there will be people that think he is weak but he is terrified she will take the car keys, drive to get the alcohol and may kill someone in the process.
Really looking forward to that whole serenity and acceptance thing. Not serene. Upset, annoyed and angry with her. She has had an amazing life and could be having an amazing retirement....... Looking at other peoples mothers with envy. I have mother envy. I don't feel I know who this woman is. She looks similar to my mum but the essence that was her is gone. Destroyed.
Now they want me to organise her funeral even before she dies. She seems quick cheery about the prospect. In fact so does my Dad. Although I think I can understand this because of the stress he is under. He has cancer, his blood pressure is going through the roof. What if she manages to kill him? Ok maybe I am being dramatic, maybe not.
I want to shake her and tell her to stop being so mean. We are the only ones caring for her. She always was a bit spoiled and like to blame others for things that happened but she was also funny, caring and kind.
I can never see this getting better.... But everything else in my life is brilliant. As they say in every life some rain must fall. Or something like that I may have destroyed a quote again.
Alcoholism is a dreaful disease and only with the support of alanon and this Board was I able to maintain my sanity and self respect. I do hope you and Dad have found some face to face alanon meetings and are attending. Breaking the isolation caused by living 24/7 with this disease is s oimportant to our menal health.
(((Redred)))...that is so sick and yes alcoholism explains it. Even the jaundice maybe consequence of the alcohol. Has Dad heard of Al-Anon? Do you have or he have literature in the house? That could be helpful. In support
Just got back from her house after a call from my Dad. She was stuck in the bath (after drinking). I had to get in behind her to get her out...... Yes I have been in touch with al anon and have some leaflets that I have passed on to my Dad. RE Meetings we are a bit too rural here not much close by. My DAD would never go in any case as he is too private a person, a bit too old school I think. I don't know if i honestly would go either. Perversely it seems unloyal. We live in a very close knit community and I would hate it to get out. I think it would be more socially acceptable if Dad had the problem. People tend to judge more if its a woman. Maybe I am being shockingly sexist and if so I am sorry. I still think there is more of a stigma there.
If she admitted there was a problem I think I could talk about it easier but I can't. I basically have my husband, my cousin, my two best pals who live very far away, occasionally my brother (who has an impressive array of personal problems of his own) and here to confide in.
Hi, red: Meetings are anonymous. Everyone at a meeting is dealing with the same thing - alcoholism in a loved one. If you knew that by attending Al-anon you could help yourself and maybe your Dad, would you go? Your Mom has a disease - not a problem with willpower. Al-Anon can help you understand how the disease operates and ways to deal with its affects on you. The last thing the disease wants is for you or your Dad to go to Al-Anon meetings. By keeping you all isolated, the disease gets to keep on doing what it does - destroys the one with the disease and the people who love him or her.
If you're still not willing, you can attend on-line meetings here. Please attend them and keep coming back here, too.
I tried to hide my alcoholic wife's disease for a couple of years. I wouldn't admit it to anybody but her mom. Not so much out of being afraid for me, but beign afraid for her, I knew she was already fighting depression and low self esteem, I didn't want something like a reputation as an alcoholic to make it even worse.
Then she got two DUIs. The second one was when she had come to pick up my son and his friend from our private Christian school while she was trashed. the police picked her up in front of the school. Everybody knew about it. That was when I decided we really had nothing to lose by exposing it.
And I discovered a few people that already had guessed. And many of those people were spreading rumors even wilder about her than the truth, which I thought was wild enough! The closet that our skeletons was in was already somewhat opened, apparently, and we didn't even know it. If you live in a small town, believe me, very often you really don't have any secrets, so you aren't really exposing anything but instead telling the truth.
As Grateful said, Alanon is anonymous as well, and is a great way to get over the isolation that you are living in. If you feel more comfortable, go to one a little ways away. Or just keep coming here if that makes you feel more comfortable.
And really, Alanon is for you, not for your mom. It is for you to get your sanity back. You are very likely doing things and tolerating things that, if you look back, you would have thought impossible to have even imagined in your moral values just a few years ago. This can make us hate not only our circumstances, but also ourselves. Going just for yourself is the biggest reason to go. if you don't believe me, keep reading around on this forum, you will find countless lives touched by finding a group of people who have had similar experiences with alcohol.
