The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok,now this thing we call alcoholic desease is beginning to frighten me cause my a is back home we'll to my house anyway he considers my home his home too,he is sober as far as I can tell.but it's like when he comes in messed up I wait till the next morning when he is sober and ask him what happened and he simply says so and so had so e whiskey it's. Always somebody has something and my a would take it and come home messed up,and no I can't stand it but yes I do love him lots. But I'm afraid that if I continue allowing him to come into my home messed up that I'm headed for so e trouble sooner or later,and what else he may do I don't know,he knows how to get over on me manipulative and conning and what ever else is his middle name.he seems to get down on himself like he don't feel good or he just hit a tree and get it o er with.that concerns me,he is gone for a few days I hope to work ,which gives me time to think hopefully I'll get some sense about me,I'm 51 y/0and my a is same age as me,I've thought about marrying him with a prenup to make it right in my hp eyes this really bothers me shacking I can't keep on ,my a morals well he has none,I feel so weak I'm not likening the thought of liveing alone. Every ite to a silent house,no family here no family except my 2 kids and they are brown and married.need. and it seems I can't stay away from him I always run out and get him back,any esh welcomed greatly thanks agin and sorry soo long......hugs. Looking up
Only you know what you can live with and what you can't. You need to be able to ask yourself, and answer, some hard questions about this. Have you been able to make any face to face meetings? The program is designed so that you can get to know yourself, and be able to answer questions like this. Everyone has different answers, because we are all different. I can tell you, with what I know about alcoholism now and what I have been through with AW, I wouldn't marry someone I knew to be an alcoholic now. it just wouldn't be worth the heartache that I know would inevitably come. Alcoholism didn't rear it's ugly head until we were 20 years in, and I love her, and she works hard at recovery, so I am in it for the long haul. But would I start over again knowing partner is A? No, I wouldn't.
But that's just me. I have come to know myself well enough to be able to say this now. Three months ago I couldn't have said it. Hopefully you can find out enough about yourself that you know one way or the other.
I am glad that you reconnected and shared with such honesty and clarity. You are not alone and I'm sure many of us can identify with loving the alcoholic yet hating the disease.
Alcoholism is a dreadful, fatal, progressive disease, over which we are powerless. Living with this disease affects us in a very destructive negative manner. Our thinking becomes distorted and we are filled with fear and anxiety without even knowing it.
Al-Anon tools , program and meetings have all been designed to help anyone in a relationship with an alcoholic..
Meeting, working the steps, having a sponsor all guide us towards making healthy choices for our lives.
Aloha Looking up and welcome home...The suggestions Betty made are the ones that saved my life and sanity cause I've been where you are at now and the merry-go-round was insane. I kept doing the same things over and over again expecting different results and the program cleared up how I was seeing and doing things so that I could move to happy. One thing I did was learn as much about alcoholism and drug addiction as I could. One thing; just because she wasn't drinking didn't mean that she was sober...sober isn't dry sober is more making best life decision choices and behaving in a reliable way...theres more. If she wasn't in her program she was just "dry". Another thing I learned what when I learned to love myself I never was lonely thereafter. I no longer "need" anyone else to complete me and I can let everyone else in my life be where ever they wanted to be when ever they wanted to be there without me being there also. My most important relationship was and is with my Higher Power who no longer is my alcoholic/addict or any one else. Go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look up the hot line number for Al-Anon in your are. Find out when and where we get together in your area and come as fast as you can and keep coming back there also. In support. ((((hugs))))
