The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have known that my. Husband(of 31 years) had a drinking problem for approx 15 years. 7 years ago he declared he was an alchoholic and joined AA. I went to one Alanon meeting, read a few books - he got his drinking under control ( only one relapse in the past 7 years) and continued to attend AA sporadically. He was never a "bad - mean " drunk. He just drank to much. We even had several discussions about wether he was an "alcoholic"?? . Right around the same time he left his job and went to work on the oil rigs, I always felt that he left me , but at least he was sober.
I have since found out that he never really worked the program . So he was filled with resentment and anger(toward me) - and I continued to be the - the worlds best "control freak" needless to say- we have ended up in a fine mess. I (42. Days ago) found out that my Husband had an affair- we decided to try to work on the marriage (or so I thought). I have since learned that he is a master liar - and he has now gone off the wagon, is texting his mistress and has run back to the rigs . I have spoken with him a few times briefly in the past 10 days - but he is so confused. He does not know if he wants to be married or divorced, with her or with me or alone. He is back at AA ( I think). My heart is so broken. Any advice would be most appreciated. How do I heal my Soul.
Hi D, and welcome to MIP! A book I would really recommend is Getting Them Sober by Toby Rice Drews. I bought all of her books from amazon, they really changed things for me. Alcoholism is a cunning and baffling disease with only destruction in mind. Here you will find everything you need to recover and take care of You. Keep coming back!
((((Hugs))))
Welcome to MIP. I am very glad that you found us and had the courage to share. Your experience sounds very familiar and I'd like to assure you that you're not alone.
Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless. AA is the recovery program for people who find they have difficulty with alcohol and Al-Anon is a recovery program for people who that have lived with this disease and tried to cope with the insanity.
As you know face-to-face meetings are held in most communities and breaking the isolation caused by living in this disease is extremely important to the mental health of anybody surrounded by the distorted thinking generated by this disease. I urge you to search out the meetings once again and try six different ones before deciding if Al-Anon is for you. It is here that I learned to keep the focus on myself, live one day at a time, discover my own needs and be able to say what I mean and mean what I say and not say it mean.
We also have online meetings here twice a day which are very supportive Please try them as well and alsoo keep coming back and sharing.
I hope that you will attend face to face meetings, and that you have found us once more...
I am so familiar with your story, the disease of alcoholism is a complex one for the spouse of the drinker. I hope that you will join us and find solutions for yourself
and to empower your life and find what You would like to do and not have your life dragged around by a sick drinker.
The A is fueled by confusion all the time, but you don't have to be.
Work on unbreaking your heart and deciding whats best for your life, Don't wait around for him to decide. You have choices.
Please keep coming back to the boards and read everyone's experiences as you start to focus on your own life and what it would take to make you happy.
Welcome, for starters none of this is your fault, as far as I know an alcoholic is not usually all there and in his right mind. Join Alanon, start working the steps and you will very soon discover where he ends and you begin. Take care of YOURSELF first. in support ......og
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