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I am open to the process of dating and so I went on a few dates with a new gentlemen and it was going really well. Then he let me know about his crazy past and that he had an STD that doesn't go away. I felt like I was still attracted to addicts with hearing his past and he was honest about liking to go to bars on the weekends still. So I am taking another hiatus from dating and putting more time into keeping myself healthy in mind, body and Spirit. My sponsor is getting more frail and had a fall recently. She said she was fine, but I am wondering if it is time to look for another sponsor with her getting older, anyone ever have this this kind of situation? I need some ESH. Sending you all love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Sounds like you are getting some good practice at spotting the troubled ones. As far as your sponsor, if she is a wise elder, she may be just the right one for you, but you will know for sure as time goes on. Take good care
Hugs BF .. It's ok if it's not working out .. remember she gets as much from you as you get from her .. it is like counseling in terms of sometimes we need something different. I have been INCREDIBLY blessed at this point with my sponsor and she is older .. you know what .. she has been there done that and even done things I haven't .. so keep an open mind frail doesn't mean feeble so keep that in mind!! I know my sponsor has gotten other sponsors and still remained close to the former sponsor .. there is one she had to distance herself .. I think that's just part of growing and knowing what is needed and not needed!
Hugs S :)
PS - As far as the man thing .. listen .. you have good instincts trust them .. if you have to ask .. it's not by accident you are questioning what is going on .. hugs sis :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
When I met guys like that back when I was dating, I would have said, "Oh, you like to party still?" and then I'd set my sights on changing him, LOL. Or, I'd decide to join in the insanity and become a partier, too! You saw the red flags early on, you knew what is unacceptable to you, and that is progress and the program working for you.
As for the sponsor thing, I often think that I should change sponsors because my sponsor has a few health issues and many times she's unavailable to talk. And, she also has like 12 sponsees so I have no idea how she finds time for all of us every week. But, every time I talk to her she has some little nugget of truth to share with me that is just what I needed to hear so I've stayed with her despite her being unavailable at times. I have found a few other friends in program whom I can turn to if my sponsor is ill or doesn't have the time. I guess prayer is the best solution here, asking your HP for guidance, and waiting for that answer. HUGS!
I love that you saw some red flags and you moved on! You're showing us how it's done! If I'd only done that when I first saw the red flags... I think being able to see the flags and moving is the healthiest relationship skill, the one that has to precede all the others. Way to go!
lol BF, there is a guy in an electronics shop in town that I gravitate towards, he's so good looking and seems to like me too; the rest of the staff are always unavailable and he comes and finds me and tells me how rubbish the guys that he works with are and how they pay no attention to customers...we have a bit of a flirtation going on...even daughter has mentioned that he is cute and seems to like me...and it dawned on me the other day, he's so funny, doesn't get along with his co-workers and always has red eyes and looks exhausted and angry....der.
I think we can work on ourselves and become healthy but unravelling what we are attracted to in men (or women) might be a much bigger and more intricate adventure. Yay for you, getting out there and trying it out! And for seeing the red flags. You're a true pioneer
Hey...good for you. I have never watched for the red flags. I was the "oh.....I can fix that little thing that is wrong with him "..... yeah right! Next time if it happens I will have a whole lot more tools right next to me.
Love is not worth the pain it can bring....
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Do you ever feel as if the whole world has issues, except us, in Alanon, lol. Glad he was honest about that one before it was too late. My friends are trying to get me on to these dating sites but Ive got a higher power that will help me with that if I ask. Im not keen to be honest. Im on my own for the first time ever and Im liking it in many ways.
I dont think it would hurt to get another sponsor and could you keep in touch with your old sponsor as well?
This reminds me of a time about 2 years ago when I was at a stag and doe. It was at a local legion hall, which in Canada is a place for veterans to gather and have a few beers.
This woman walked by me. She was pretty but you could tell she had an attitude. Very cold and looked like she wasn't going to give many people the time of day aside from her friends. Always carrying a drink around. She looked like a real 'B' who would have no interest in speaking to guys if she was approached.
Yet, I couldn't take my eyes off her! There was this magnetism and I found myself staring at her for a good 7-8 seconds. Had she caught me it would have looked very creepy. That's how much this woman attracted me and drew my attention. It was very overwhelming. That's why I remember it.
Despite ALL the redflags, this without even speaking to her, this is type of woman that was exactly like my mother. I had this compulsion to win over her approval and I needed her to notice me! The one that showed the least amount of interest and least enthusiasm for even being there was the one I wanted.... I was in al-anon at the time so thankfully I caught my emotions and stayed in check but this magnetism was something else. I couldn't quite point it out but wanted to explore it.
A few months later, I forget the context, but I ended up at this local watering hole frequented by this friend at around 2pm on a Saturday. Maybe we were going to see the hockey.. We're sitting having food and guess who walks in? Ms.Right. She walks in with her boyfriend, sees my buddy, sits in one the booths next to us, curls herself into the fetal position sitting up, keeps her sunglasses on indoors...at 2pm...and barks orders about her lack of beer intake, at the poor sap that has to deal with this mess as everyone giggles and laughs with her at her adventures the night before.
Higher Power answered everything in that one moment.
