The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of those days...I know it will pass...
It was a nice warm sunny afternoon and I washed a couple of loads of laundry and hung them out. I took my son to work, came home, and sat down to relax and watch a movie. I was so enthralled that I didn't hear the rain when it started again. The A, who had seen me hanging the clothes out didn't say a word even though he'd been smoking out on the porch. When I finally heard it during a quiet, poignant moment, I ran outside to tend to the laundry. I came back in to the A first saying he was sorry he thought I knew it was raining, then the story changed to...he told me earlier but he didn't think I cared.
It got me to thinking about the dysfunctional idiosyncrasies that are routine with an A... How I wonder if I ever will be capable of having a normal healthy relationship. Ever. Or if I'm destined to be alone.
I know that life is what we make it and that anything is possible. But this disease has had such a negative effect on my self esteem that days like today cause me to despair of my own potential for recovery.
I know I can pull through, just need to start a gratitude list and listen to some positive affirmations.
I'll keep coming back:)
Your awareness would indicate that your recovery is at work, even when you think not! Wet clothes on a clothes line to dry... hmmm. The rain only slowed the process down, it didn't stop it. The sun will come back out. Often I have to ask myself... How important is it really, and how much negative energy am I willing to invest in it today?
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
