Actually what worked for me during times like this was the slogan "Let go and Let God" "Don't React"  and patience.  During those times I hung on to program really tight.  Sitting with people who could help me grow was soooo important and nice.  Eventually the settle it time came and that was okay for me.  More good and great things happened later down the road also and using the program made that so nice also.    Hang in there and keep coming back (((((hugs))))) 

I was not rich, didn't really have a lot of financial options. But as I shared, when it came to my kids, was ready to do what I had to to protect them. The world is NOT pretty. Sometimes I know I HAD to take action. I was ready to move away, far away to protect them. For me it was a matter of let go and have faith in HP. When I was ready to leave, it all fell into place. However it ended up I did not have to.

As HP as my witness, even though I was shy and introverted,when it came to my babies and animals, just push me and I am gone. deb

My ESH for you again you have to know what mountain you are willing to die on. How it wound up working for me is give him enough rope and he will hang himself. This is what they do. They can't help except be horribly self destructive and all I can do is keep my head down and stay out of the collateral damage as much as possible by putting the focus on me. You will have to get a parenting agreement to outline boundaries .. in those I would include (and it is the wording that counts this is how the judge will interpret what happens) .. how are pick ups and drop offs going to go? If someone is late how does that effect the visitation. My children are older so I got a little more lee way .. I chose to avoid talking about the alcohol, I like to have an occasional glass of wine .. there is no way HIS behavior was going to control me in terms of IF I want to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or with friends .. no talk of alcohol .. related incidents and stuck to the safety of the kids .. the other thing that was a BIG deal to me is picking up .. HE is responsible for pick ups and drop offs .. he is ONLY allowed to pick up on Fridays unless I release him to do it on a different day.  He pretty much signed away all of his parenting responsibilities and I'm ok with that .. he can't do them anyway and I'm not waiting on him to make decisions that I need a faster answer on and he refuses to participate.  MY atty then took that agreement and added her words to it. When I received it she told me there is NO way he's going to sign this and guess what .. he got another CM (criminal) charge and guess what at that point he signed the agreement my new atty (from the same office) was dumbfounded and looked at me and said .. I've never seen a parenting agreement that is worded like this .. I think it impressed him even. Basically my children 9,14 have the right to end visitation when they want as well as do they even participate. That translates to if they get there and after an hour they decide to come home .. they go home. If they decide they don't want to go .. they don't go. If they feel unsafe and he's drunk .. they come home. That is HUGE in the state I'm in because someone told me that the youngest child even if they are 13 is still required to go unless it's in the parenting agreement I was horrified .. and grateful I didn't know that at the time. I also got sole custody. He is going to screw up .. it is par for the course in terms of addiction it just may take a few weeks, months maybe a year or two .. he will screw up .. he won't show to visitations .. he will get in trouble with the law .. he may be oily right now that his "errors in judgment" slide off of him .. at some point it sticks .. just let him do the work that way. When he started in with serious crazy talk .. I made him text me .. then I would keep pictures of the texts. States atty looked at me and says .. Umm .. WTH is he doing? I said I don't know you are the atty .. she looked at me and was horrified pretty much said .. ohhh ... he's in a whole lot of trouble. I had an EOP that basically was a 2 week OP extended out for 8 months .. the judge was floored and I managed to do that myself .. it helped he violated it .. it helped that his behavior absolutely was credited to that issue. I have a no contact in the parenting agreement and I'm being very careful with that one .. we are able to talk about the kids .. he is still refusing to talk to me about visitation and it's bit him in the butt and my daughter has very strong sense of self and boundaries .. what is hers, what is mine and what is her dad's .. I can only hope that this will transfer to my son at some point. He's having some challenges with it. I just encourage you to continue to do the best you can right now. Put your child's safety first and try to be as factual as possible. I had 3 different deputies tell me he was not ok and didn't need to be around the kids. I had my GP Dr tell me that he shouldn't be around the kids. There are things that boggle that of my atty's mind and literally they can't believe that I know the things I do .. lol. It is what it is .. there is a lot to be said about observing and taking mental notes and then documenting things. One day at a time .. that's all any of us have so keep doing what you are doing it really is going to work out .. it may be slower than you like .. it will work out. Hugs S :)