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I HAVE BEEN HOME ALONE FOR 4 DAYS NOW, WITH NO TRACE OF HIM COMING HOME. ALL HE DOE IS CALL THATS ALL. HE COMES UP WITH EVERY SINGLE EXCUSE THAT HE WILL BE HOME. THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM WAS ON MY BIRTHDAY MARCH 26 AND HAVEN NOT SEEN HIM SINCE. I KNOW THAT ME BEING ALONE IS BETTER THEN BEING WITH HIM, BUT I HAVE MY DAYS THAT I FEEL THAT IM LOOSING MY MARRIAGE AND HUSBAND TO THIS DISEASE. HE CALLS ME TO TELL ME THAT HE HAS NOT ATE IN TWO DAYS, AND I REPLIED TO HIM "THAT IS NOT MY FAULT YOU HAVE NOT ATE IN TWO DAYS OR SHOWER" ! HE GOT UPSET WITH ME AND HE HANGED UP ON ME, THIS WAS TODAY AND HAVE NOT HEARD FROM HIM AT ALL AND ITS ALMOST 8PM CENTRAL TIME.
WELL, I HAVE TO SAY IM HAVING SOME PEACE AND BEEN ENJOYING MY TIME ALONE WITH OUT HIM. I GET TO SIT DOWN AND HAVE SOME PIZZA AND WATCH MOVIES WITH MY DOGS WHO NEED ME MORE THEN ANYTHING AND BEEN THERE FOR ME ALL THIS TIME. BUT MY QUESTION IS HOW FAR WILL HE GO UNTIL HE FALLS? I HAVE ANSWER MY OWN QUESTION UNTIL HE FALLS ROCK BOTTOM!
Sound like he has already fallen M...like he is on his bottom...lost, hungry and still held captive to a disease he can go get help for as he knows. Good that you are taking care of yourself. Hope you are getting to face to face Al-Anon meetings along with your MIP family. We're with you. You are not alone. (((((hugs)))))
Monica, he may or may not be on his bottom. Some people have amazing stamina. And can torture themselves for years. Or it could be tomorrow. Keep looking after yourself instead. Hanging with the dogs, and finding humans for support and friendship. If not through Al Anon (if work schedule is still rough) maybe making friends some other way. But if you can get to even in Al Anon meeting and let people know your situation you might be surprised how many people will have time within your work schedule.
I like that quote too, Louise. You can't predict when he will hit bottom. I thought I knew when my AH hit his bottom but I was wrong every time. It's like they are the Energizer bunny... They keep going and going and going. Try to focus on yourself. That's what I am working really hard on lately.
I don't know it my son will ever hit his bottom. It might be when he's gone from me but I know I can't go down with him. It's sad, it's lonely and heartbreaking but only our HP knows what is to come.
Prayers for your AH that will find his way.
Let go let God let him get him to his bottom if possible. Then recovery might happen
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
There is obviously something going on where he can afford to drink like this for the moment and not have major consequences. Sounds like he has some military benefits coming in? Anyhow, the things that keep alcoholics active are youth, health, and wealth. Take away their money (house, car, food), then add health problems (cirrhosis, body pains, panic attacks, extreme withdrawals), and then add them starting to get older and not look good and be able to find wives, girlfriends etc, that will put up with their bullcrap and than then MAYBE they will start accepting they have a problem. For now, sounds like he knows he has a problem but zero incentive to quit even though he knows it's really upsetting you.
In the meanwhile, it's going to make you sick and dependent on him if you just hole up in the house waiting for him to come home...wondering. You are so much more than just his wife. Yeah, it's good to be accepting and detached enough so you aren't literally freaking out every second he's gone and it sounds like you are doing great with knowing it's not your fault and you can't cure it. On the other hand, if my significant other was gone for 4 days, it would be a deal breaker. Totally unacceptable. I deserve a real partner who can be there for me and offer as much to me as I do them. I'm not saying you have to adopt my relationship values, but I'm guessing what is currently going on, is far from acceptable to you too.
Please get out and go to some alanon meetings. I know you feel like there is some "shame" involved because of previous posts. I think you mentioned fear of it because of his status in the military. Pretty much most everyone is going to be picking up on his problems or already is when he is drinking round the clock, not showering and eating. He has a very serious problem and it will help you to not just reach out here, but go to face to face alanon meetings also. I know you love your husband but neither of you will make progress alone or just depending on each other. He's not ready for help, but it sounds like you are. Please go to some alanon meetings if you haven't already.
Is this the life you want? Your life is way too precious to be spending your time in this way. Isolation kills ones spirit....provide you with what you need. I, too, hope you are attending al anon meetings. I am sure your spirit is as beautiful as your picture.
Everytime I think my father has hit his bottom, he seems to want to climb back up and hit it again.....
Human beings in general are creatures of habit. We go to what we know. Alcohol and dysfunction is what they know. It's what they are comfortable with. The prospect of sobriety and healthy relationships is very foreign and scary. Most don't think they deserve it. Most don't know how to handle it because they don't know how.
This is what alcoholic parents will to their children and those around them. That life is scary. Trust is scary. Dysfunction is how it's supposed to be. We're just not worthy of being a good healthy family.
I say 'f%^%" that'. I only get one life and I am not letting this pathetic excuse of a father dictate who I will become. I'm on my way, most will say I'm already there. But it's time to grab life by the nuts and start dictating your outcome and not letting 'them' tell you what it is.
They get drama, an unmanageable life, jail, illness, dui's , mental insanity and death, my x hit many bottoms and then the final blow, death, they are shackled by their disease.
We get Alanon, comrades, solutions, connection to our higher power others experiences of those who have walked the path, we also get the tools to become unshackled.
All we have to do is make the choice of how we want to live our life and hopefully understand this disease and somehow let go of our resentments and grudges, in all facets of our life.
Don't forget to include some Alanon face to face meetings in your every day activities.
The question is not how far will he go before he hits bottom, but how far will you go till you find solutions and find a way to release the shackles that you are putting on yourself.
I'm sorry you have this. Alcoholism is a progressive disease that ends in insanity or death. It sounds like he's fallen pretty far already and I've seen people have more than one rock bottom. Falling down with him is optional. You are doing something positive by posting and staying close to Alanon and working towards having a good life with him or without him. I have found the quickest way to start climbing out of my own hole by working the steps with a sponsor and coming to MIP as often as I can. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Thank you everyone, I do attend my f2f meeting in spanish right now because my work schedule. I have a great patient who has gone thru what my husband going thru and is very supportive person right now for me. I see my therapist once a week, I might have to have a twice a week session with her. I have my up and downs where I dont call him or tell him nothing. But Im working my steps slowly but surely!
His money goes to one place our checking account, he has not ask for money for the last four days. In the states of Indiana they are not allowed to sell alcohol, but in the state of IL they sell it seven days a week. So, its a skip and jump to the IN and IL state line to by liquor. He hangs around with another A guy and his wife is a enbaler, because she lets her husband keep drinking. Thats how he gets his booze from and stays with them instead of coming home.
