The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
That was the topic of last nights meeting and I love that slogan and because of the simplicity forget it the easiest at times so it was a great reminder.
This for me relates directly to my need to be right .. I have wondered if it's my need to be right .. or is it my need to be heard especially by others who are trampling my boundaries. Growing up in the ism's that were running amiss through the home I was a fixture not a person. I was put on display meant to be looked at and not spoken to or have a voice for that matter. I find that growing up I found my voice as inappropriate as it was it came through like a booming speaker. I really just wanted to be acknowledged that I had opinions and thoughts, and not to mention the whole issue of boundaries .. yes I have those even though they weren't respected I have always known innately that those should be there. The issue with this was I absolutely couldn't respect the fact that other people are allowed that small basic right as well. My thinking going into any relationship friendship, sig other, .. was already distorted and it created some awful consequences to those relationships. I have lost friendships, picked awful romantic relationships and when I found someone good to be with .. literally I still struggled with trying to find my footing and the relationships were never ok anyway because of my neediness and looking to have someone else fill those needs.
How Important Is It helps remind me that I can step back, not have the last word and there are always people including ME who can validate what I feel and think by simply stating "You might be right" to disarm the fire of the situation.
The flip side of this is I'm able to look at situations and say YES .. that IS important as it's a boundary and in the situation with the kids I'm dealing with this for the next 9 years especially with visitations and so on. So some situations are important I can discern those from the ones that really aren't that important. It gives me a softer side to realize that I can bend slightly and say ok .. while that's not how I want it to workout it's ok that it's going this direction. Before Alanon I couldn't have seen the difference in the situation .. it was my way or the highway and I got exactly what I gave to others. Now I get the flip side of a give and take relationship because of Alanon and while I don't do it perfectly .. I am able to do it.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share. :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hi Serenity, great reflection on a"simple"-slogan--- "How important is it." Today, I can use this principle and be able to discern the truth.
Upon entering Al-Anon many years ago, my thinking had become so distorted that everything loomed large or I would swing to the"I don't care, what happens mode". Both attitudes were not very beneficial to making decisions and growing. The other slogan and I had difficulty with was was:"Fake it untill you make it". I felt that I had been"faking it"most of my life and that learning to be honest, open and willing was more important than pretending. My sponsor suggested that I only use slogans that I felt comfortable using. Today all of them are meaningful and I am so grateful for the ability to be able to take what I like and leave the rest.
Using the tools such as meetings, steps, daily readings, keeping an open mind and learning to say what I mean and mean what I say lead me to freedom I could not even imagine.
