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I am just now dealing with my grown daughters first rehab stay after learning she was on prescription drugs bought off the streets. She is getting help and I am proud of her for that. But...she has been calling wanting to know if she could move back home for a couple weeks until the rehab finds her another place that will accept her insurance for a longer stay. I really don't know how I feel about this BUT what is really bothering me is she keeps telling me the therapists are telling her all this is not her fault...
I am having a hard time with that statement...then whose fault is it then? Someone decided for her to take these drugs and I'm pretty certain in was her....
we have had many years of helping her with depression, anxiety and it has been rough. Now to me these things were not her fault but consciously taking things that were not prescribed to her is not acceptable in my book. I am angry...and I don't know what to do.
Being an addict may not be her fault. After getting help, and knowing about the disease and recovery process, what she does is on her. Make sense? It's not like she is absolved of responsibility. Hopefully, counselors are only trying to get her out of feeling she is a scumbag addict and onto recovery and the solution instead. That's my hope not knowing the whole story. Of course your daughter might spin that intervention to mean nothing is her responsibility and that would be a thinking error but one not uncommon among addicts up until they really grasp recovery.
stressedmom Welcome Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease . It has been classified by the AMA as a disease and as such people are not responsible if they contact it. The disease is a difficult one, as one of the symptoms of the disease , tells the sufferer that thy are fine and do not have a disease.
We who live with the disease have been negatively affected by trying to cope with the insanity of the illness and need a program of recovery of our own. Alanon is that program. Face to Face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is found in the white pages. It is here I learned how to respond and not react, live one day at a time, focused on myself and trusting in a HP.
I think it must be a difficult path for counsellors - it seems to me it is important to help the addict to feel better about themselves and to help them to take responsibility. I don't think that people are inclined to take responsibility until they have restored enough of their self esteem to carry the weight of looking at their own behaviour without feeling so crushed by it that they can't carry on.
I know that my AH grasped at the fact that it takes two for a marriage to break down and he hung on to it like a straw in a stormy sea. I felt betrayed by the counsellor for saying it because, naturally, I wanted someone to tell AH that he had been a prize ****
Looking at our situation objectively I have to admit I think that this is one of those things where it doesn't help me if I take it too personally - I need to believe in myself after all - in a way AH and I are on similar paths in this respect! In these early days I'm better off leaving his recovery to him so that I can concentrate on mine and I journal my feelings if I need to.
Have you talked to the counselors at the rehab yourself? I got some of the best information I've gotten about addiction, and about the blame game, from the counselors at my AWs rehab.
I have finally excepted that my son can't tell me the truth and it's sad I have to walk away from it. I have enabled my son many years and finally I stopped a little over a year ago. Yes he's in jail now waiting for his punishment but it's a blessing in disguise. If I continued to do what I was doing I truly think he would be dead soon. He never says it's not his fault but he can't do anything about it and there is NO help for him. Well now there is if he wants it. He has to make that decision and mom will not interfere anymore. If he has to live on the streets for the rest of his life so be it. That is his choice. Time to grow up.
I have learned when we say no they find a way. Addicts are very resourceful and find what they need when they need it.
I can't tell you what to do but I can say....go with you gut. How do you feel about it. There is no right or wrong here....it comes down to what YOU want.
Take care of you and keeping coming back because you are not alone.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
It doesn't matter what she says as much as it matters what she does. Blaming/shaming are part of the disease and really don't help anybody grow. As a recovering Al-Anonic, I have learned to take responsibility for being affected by my loved ones' diseases, and let them think, feel and believe anything they choose. I have no power over their thoughts or beliefs just like I have no power over their disease. I do have a recovery program in Alanon that has been a lifesaver for me. Glad you're here. Keep coming back.
