The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When he drinks his vodka shooters in the driveway after he gets home from work, stumbles in the house and says something really stupid, I just want to push him down the stairs, shoot him or stab him, or something. No dinner tonight, honey. He brings out the violence in me. One time, I took his glasses off his drunk face and broke them in half. Why can't he stop? Why does he turn into such a retard when he drinks? He looks fat, puffy, bloated and old now. Yuck! It has ruined our relationship.
I am so sorry you have to watch him do this to himself and go through it, too. It is an insidious disease that turns good people into fools and monsters. And even turns us into fools and monsters sometimes. LOL I totally understand your anger and frustration.
You are in the right place though. We get it when nobody else seems to. Post here when you feel the urge to harm somebody. :)
There are also chat meetings twice a day, everyday and the chat room is open 24 hours for chat. you can pop in any time to just talk. The link is in the yellow section at the top of this page.
Just keep coming back. You can find help and support here to deal with this problem and get your life back. I did.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Totally know how you are feeling. Got home from work yesterday and AH had been drinking again. I tried to focus on me and my daughter but he picked a fight threw my iPad down the stairs and I punched him in the face. Not proud of myself. I let my anger take over. He threatened to call the police. I went to my parents with my daughter and he's sleeping it off. One thing is for sure the marriage is over. I wish I had got out before I gave in to the rage!
Good luck and take care of you xx
Just for me - when things were heading in the direction of violence with my ex-A, it was time to leave. There was a little voice inside me that said "this is beyond acceptable" and it started with the drunken fights, stealing my money, trying to kill himself, and it grew to pushing each other throwing things and slamming doors....that was the end of it. It all started as a fun relationship where we (oddly) went out all the time and hung out in bars. Who knew we both would be alcoholics (oh grow into that)? LOL. Many years after breaking up, I can look back and laugh at my judgment at that time.
Welcome to the awareness of your insanity in this world of addiction. And welcome to MIP. Do you have Al Anon meetings available in your area? Thos e cvan be invaluable to get things off your chest, get literature and understanding of the disease.
The one time I really wanted to just get violent was when I was forced to come home from a rehearsal for a Christmas Eve performance at church. I got texts from MIL saying AW was drunk, and son was at home and telling her he was scared. When I got home AW was mostly passed out at the table. I was so mad when I looked at her, and realized I had just missed my one good rehearsal for Christmas Eve because my wife was drunk, I just had to walk out the front door and sit in my car. And I did, once I got my son out of there.
And I sounded like crap at the performance...
But getting violent doesn't solve anything. Learning how to deal with alcoholism, and how to detach from the situation with love, and learning how to set boundaries and consequences and not enable, that solves things. If you can get to online or face to face meetings, you may find your violent urges subside.
I understand how you are feeling. When I got to feel that desire to lash out was when I decided to leave. I knew that I was thinking and desiring behaviour that would ultimately make me dislike myself a lot. Just thinking it undermined my self esteem. Learning detachment was harder, but worthwhile. I'm a few inches taller and prouder because I believe I took the right action, even when I was under pressure.
Genie Welcome to Miracles in Progress I too have felt as if I would kill him and it was then that I knew I HAD to leave.
I did leave, found alnon , worked th program because I had no where else to go and life unfolded in a sane, healthy fashion He entered rehab and we reconnected. I had to do the thing I feared the most and then let God work out the rest.
Even if you do decide to leave, the affects of this disease are long lasting and Alanon and face to face meetings will help you to come to terms with your
anger.
This disease will make us do things and respond in ways we never thought we could do.
Welcome to MIP. I, too, had thoughts that included hope my x would be killed in a truck on his route. When I had those thoughts, I knew I had to make a change. It was scary enough to have thoughts like that for me to recognize just how bad things were and how much help I needed for me. Keep coming back.
Welcome. I left my AH just because of reasons you discussed. When violence was occurring more often and my daughter was screaming at us to stop, I knew it was time to leave. Al anon gives us a choice. Going to meetings and reading and getting a sponsor helped me a lot. Getting them sober is a good book too. Please don't hurt him or you will be the one in jail, not him. Just leave the house if you need to. Safety is #1.
To say I am sorry Genie, is to say nothing really. But know this: I understand completely. SOmetimes I feel the same way you do, but what would I accomplish. Neither of our alcoholics is worth the time spent in prison. Take good care my dear.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
He brings out the violence in me. One time, I took his glasses off his drunk face and broke them in half. Why can't he stop? Why does he turn into such a retard when he drinks? He looks fat, puffy, bloated and old now. Yuck! It has ruined our relationship. 