The material presented
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level.
I had a good day. Met my X and his wife and we were the only family there. WOW. When my son finally came in he was in the usual orange suit shackled both hands and feet. He didn't see us because he came in looking at the judge. I started crying ...couldn't help myself but I was quite about it. His court appointed lawyer turned around and saw me...pointed...and mouthed MOM? I shook my head. He was great making sure the judge knew we were there and the support my son has. It didn't help but I truly think it got his bail reduced big time.
After he came out, talked to us and gave us his business card and said we could call anytime. He asked we write letters and anyone that would write a letter telling the courts how great my son is and that he can't be spending his life in prison. Character letters I'm guessing.
My son is looking at 1 to 3 years.
After we decided to go see him. My son was crying and it was so so sad. He wanted us to bail him out. He would give us his car if we would post bail. We both said no and he was devastated. Even the lawyer told us he's in a pickle this time ( as he put it ) and bail might not be a good idea because him being a alcoholic he would probably get really bad with his drinking and maybe get in more trouble and get much more time in prison.
I told my son I would write and come and see him when I can. I told him I loved him and I'm here to support him. He was surprised to even see us because I once told him if he ever got in trouble again he better not call me.... wow he didn't call me. But he also knew MOM knows everything and would find her son if she really wanted to. he smiled too. I think he was grateful deep down he still has his family. He said he's so filled with quilt and embarrassment. Sorry was said a lot by him. I just said he didn't need to be embarrassed or have any quilt I understand and will always love you.
His father wants to get his car and personal belongings so he is going back next week to get a power of attorney from my son. I didn't think we would be able to get the vehicle but the lawyer said we could after the 30 days impound.
I'm home and doing quite well. I feel good about leaving him there. Its sad but it's OK. Yeah he tried all the tricks, DO's are the worse, the food is really bad, I will never see the outside again, I won't get any help in here.... when I asked if it was Sheriff Joe's food he said almost....so I said I will find out...then he said no it's OK just not enough..
He just stared at me most of the time. Looking straight into my eyes. He wanted so bad for me to give in....but with HP's help I didn't He's really good with those eyes of his. Great big eyelashes that blink slowly with a little tear coming out of the corners. Gets me every time but this time.
I'm in the right place right now.....and God please help me stay there.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Awesome Cathy, you stood your boundaries, you were warm but serious about things. Those eyes, yup I have seen them before, they are the manipulators! I hope you have a good rest now and find the end
of your bed!! lol.....sincerely og, I am hoping and praying he meets someone in jail, counselor, friend that can reach his soul and let him know how to live the "real" good life.
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
I'm proud of you and your son's dad for standing firm. Try to picture it as an extended rehab stay to make it easier on yourself. How's this for irony - Arizona's "Sheriff Joe" is my (recovering) AH's uncle.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
The both of you there as a united force unwilling to bail him out yet letting him know he is loved - wow! And if you wavered on the bail at all, his attorney gave you the back up knowledge you needed to stand firm. Loving him enough to let him experience consequences and not trying to make it easier for him - Wow! Powerful program work and standing strong in tough love.
Hugs Cathy .. you did great! 1-3 years is not a lifetime. A very good friend of mine her son wound up getting prison and he is now almost 3 years sober and getting his master's in counseling. There is a lot of hope and good that can come out of this situation if you boy gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. Hugs again ;)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Thank you all so much for the support. I stayed on the bed last night and slept good. I do think a lot about my son and just pray things will work out well in the long run. It will take a lot of practice not to let my mind start thinking about stupid ideas so it's practice, practice and more practice. Right now I know my son is only thinking about his problems and not thinking about any recovery so over time I pray he gets it and seeks all the help he can in prison. It's there for the taking if he wants it. He's upset, mad at the world and thinks he just going to rot in there. I guess he will if he lets it happen. Time will tell.
Back to work today.....
(( hugs ))
PS: I don't think our son thinks we love him because we left him there so that's one thing that gives me stinking thinking...over time I pray that changes.
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Friday 28th of March 2014 06:02:12 AM
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Hugs Cathy .. whatever your son is thinking .. that is about him and his keen alcoholic mind at the moment. Suiting up and showing up is all you "need" to do and someday .. he will see clearly how much you really do love him and he will respect you for it. While he walked through his dark hours you were there walking next to him not holding him up .. cheering and letting him know you love him. Let his hp hold him up and help him when he stumbles its truly the best gift to give our children. We love them regardless .. we allow them their choices. Much love .. now it's time to keep the focus on you. Hugs s ;)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I think our sons and daughters never say "you did the right thing Mom" I don't expect that until they mature and reflect on how they got to where they are in recovery. Thanks Mom doesnt come often. So we do the right thing for the right thing and most of all love, not for any gratitude. Maybe we will get an honorable mention from them on our deathbed....lol og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
he smiled too. I think he was grateful deep down he still has his family. He said he's so filled with quilt and embarrassment. Sorry was said a lot by him. I just said he didn't need to be embarrassed or have any quilt I understand and will always love you. 