The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here is my story. I was married to an A for 12 years. Had 2 sons with him. I lived in his crazy world and at first I tried to hide his alcholism from my family. He would regularly disappoint the three of us. Through many arrests and jail terms, the final straw for me was when he was arrested for the 5th or 6th time for DWI and was being bailed out by another woman. I told him he had to go..he was seeing her for sometime. Going out around town with her in front of many people who know our family. I didn't go out with him, wanted to be with my babies after a 40 hour work week and them being in daycare all day, so he found someone else to hang out with and drink. that was 14 years ago. He has since been jailed and is still drinking and I hear he is drugging. He has no contact with his sons, nor has he been of any financial help for all of these years. My youngest is 17 now and his dad hasn't had a drivers license since the day he was born.
Now I realize it was the best thing for the three of us to have him out of the house. Not so much out of their lives but that was his decision when the were young. Now they are almost men and have no desire to be in contact with him. For what, they say.
I spent those years raising my sons and didn't have much of a social life until recently.
So again, here I am, heartbroken by yet another alcholic/addict. After a year of the "roller coaster" with this new guy, I got off, two weeks now. I chose to ignore the signs for months. The verbal insults, drinking excessively, pills (from a Doctor) yikes, the cocaine. The ups/downs. The hurt. I don't know why. I'm a good girl, I work hard, own a home, two wonderful high achieving sons....
I am going through all the emotions of hurt, anger, sadness, lonliness. I miss the nice him. I haven't spoke to him since the last time I saw him. I know it 's best for me to remove myselft. I'm trying one day at a time. I even do one hour at a time. The sadness is overwhelming at times to know that another good man is a goner due to this illness.
I have never been with a A but I have been hurt really bad in a relationship so I know how your feeling right now. It can be overwhelming and if your like most losing a relationship it like losing it all and life is over in our mind.
Self care is what you need so the healing can start. Happiness can happen again if we let it in.
Grieving the loss is part of the process so let it happen. Make a list of your assets on what a wonderful person you are and oh so much you are worth a better life and the happiness that comes with it.
Take it one day at a time and in time this too has pass
I'm glad you came here because to be alone is not a good thing. Also Al-anon meetings can be a great asset in your recovery my friend.
Your not alone so please keep coming back
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
You words tell a story, a story of feelings. Your feelings told a story, a story in words. I heard you, I felt you, I throw hugs of compassion towards you, and prayers up that you find peace and serenity within soon.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
How amazing that you were so strong and took care of your boys! I am sorry about the pain of your new relationship but you deserve a healthier person to match you.
Be proud that you took care of your sons.
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
