Is he an Alcoholic? What do you think? - Al-Anon Family Group

hmk · Newbie

Is he an Alcoholic? What do you think?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Holly: If his drinking bothers you and others around him, Al-Anon face to face meetings will be a great help to you. As a rule, I don't call somebody an alcoholic. To me, that's up to them to decide. I do know when somebody is drinking excessively and that it bothers me. We suggest attending at least 6 meetings before you decide if Al-Anon is for you. It can be a big help for anybody troubled by a loved ones' drinking. Please come back here, too. We understand the ways this disease affects us and the many abuses we can suffer at the hands of people who drink too much.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so glad you found us and had the courage to share your story. Believe me it is so typical, it hurts!

Al Anon can help us to stop wondering about him and his disease, and look at our own life.Because their drama is so drastic, abusive, and dangerous,we tend to forget to be aware of our part in it.

Meaning here you are with 3 precious kids with a raging, dangerous problem drinker or addict, does not matter, hurts the same. So look at how you feel, are you happy, are you guys safe? That was how I would look at it. When it was not safe, i had to ask him to leave.

This is so disasterous to kids. they go from being very frightened, insecure, blaming themselves, and learning this is how a relationship is since they learn from yours.

I invite you to see if there is meeting near you. Also there are meetings here at MIP. We recommend many good books and other literature. Come here share, vent, ask questions.

the sad thing is it will get so much worse. It is a disease that destroys the A or addict in every way, and dribbles or pours down onto us.

they will seem to be so nice when not drinking. But as most say it is a roller coaster ride. Gradually the disease is damaging their body, every cell in it. They do not think at all correctly honey because their brains are horribly compromised. Our bodies are mostly water. A's fill theirs with alcohol, so no way can they work right in any way. Plus they basically are drunk or have alcohol in their system for awhile satuarated in cells.Or many cells have been damaged, again so the body cannot work correctly. So of course over time and age, things get so much worse.

Al Anon has many slogans, 12 steps, many things to help you get started. Then once you feel better, you will be able to make those decisions with knowledge and skills.

Please know there is no sense listening or putting any weight to what he says. It is from a totally not in control brain.

also we cannot stop them from drinking, to engage in the sanity only hurts us.

Please keep coming, we do care very much.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

You pretty much described a lot of how I used to act before I went to AA and sobered up. A non alcoholic would cut back or give up the booze at all the signs of trouble you mentioned and if their spouse brought it up.

For the purposes of Alanon his label doesn't matter that much. You getting support and help for you matters more. As far as it being unusual for someone to not drink in certain settings or contexts, what happens with alcoholics over time is that the way they drink and act when they do becomes even more weird and less normal so sobriety ideally becomes more appealing that trying to do 1 thing to fit in (drink) that causes you to not fit in in even more ways (argue, fight, can't have peaceful and fun free time without booze, just growing into a mess more and more over time). He might never get better but you could make your life better with Alanon regardless.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome HMK

I glad you found us. In the end what do you think about his drinking? If you don't like it or you have a problem and it effecting your life then it doesn't matter if he's a alcoholic or not.

He is going to drink or he's not......What are you going to do??

Keep coming back because you are not alone...

((( hugs )))

John · ~*Service Worker*~

Just based on the fact that you are asking the question, and what you have shared here with us, I venture to say, you already know the answer. Now it is time to move into the arena of Acceptance, no longer allowing yourself to live in a world of denial, and stay close to Al-Anon as you learn, grow and heal from the adverse effects of loving an alcoholic. You can get well, you can heal, you can find peace and serenity regardless of whether the alcoholic does or doesn't stop drinking. I can only suggest that when it comes to physical violence.. and yes, that is exactly what slamming the lid of a laptop on your fingers equate to, it will only get worse instead of better with an untreated alcoholic. It is very important you learn of proper ways to protect yourself, maintain your safety and how to establish and enforce your personal boundary space. There is a code for those who physically violate your well being.. its' 911.

John

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP.
You've had some great input from the previous posters here.
I spent a long time worrying about whether my husband was an alcoholic and then it became clear that the answer was yes, he did have a problem with alcohol and knowing this gave me reason to excuse behaviour that I would not put up with from a sober person. I regret that. For me it became important that I simply looked at my husbands behaviour. Was his behaviour something that I could live with? When I first went to alanon I recognised some of my own behaviour in the others that I met there and it helped me to understand my situation so much better. When I took the actions that felt right for me, it turned out that they also helped my husband. To quote what a girlfriend said to me when I was complaining about AH's blaming me for his drinking 'Milkwood, who else's fault could it possibly be?'
Well done about not living in denial.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.