The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to this board and have only been to one meeting in person. I am currently attending a woman's group at church on Wednesday's and on Sunday's I volunteer during first service, attend a class, then attend second service. I started going when my daughter starting having difficulties at home and I needed outside support to deal with my home life. I am dealing with feeling guilty about going to another weekly meeting for Al-Anon and spending this additional evening a week away from my family. I am married and have two daughters ages 17 and 12. My father was an alcoholic for over 30 years of my life. My mother was enabling and codependent all of my life. My brother was a drug addict for over 15 years. My 17 year old daughter was a drug addict since 14 and is currently 8 months clean. She is on probation for petty theft and has bi-polar disorder as well. She began doing drugs to self-medicate and is currently refusing psychiatric meds for her disorder. She is not doing well at school (poor grades and truancy), is not abiding by her probation requirements(curfew and community service). I have contacted her probation officer and let her know that she is non-compliant but there have not been any real consequences yet. The probation officer tells me that she has to accumulate a bunch of infractions before being able to call a meeting with the judge. At home my daughter is extremely disrespectful in a lot of different ways. She destroys things like furniture and the bathroom counter with hair dye. She doesn't clean up after herself and does not take care of herself with regard to hygiene. I have been seeing a therapist one on one for a few months to prepare for the day my daughter turns 18 and is no longer my responsibility legally. She has been encouraging me to attend Al-Anon meetings to have support for what I need to do for myself and my family. I plan on serving my daughter an eviction notice a month prior to her 18th birthday. I have discussed this with her and she still refuses to do what is required for her health and legal responsibilities. I was forced to live in a home with an alcoholic father and a drug addicted brother and I refuse to continue on this roller coaster with my daughter in my home any longer than I have to. I have struggled with this decision and I know it is easier said than done to do this tough love thing and not enable this behavior any longer. My husband supports that decision but that is as far as it goes. I don't think he understands because he hasn't had to live the life I have. He is also her step-father so he is able to detach much easier than I can, in fact he already has. He doesn't go to any support groups or therapy and most likely won't be attending Al-Anon with me. I need more support and I know I need Al-Anon.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. I am glad that you found us, reached out and connected because this is how we begin to heal from the devastation of living with the disease of alcoholism.
It appears that you have a busy schedule and are still attempting to seek help for the on going problem in your home.
Alanon is a fellowship of people who live with the disease of alcoholism and who understand as few other others can. We accept that alcoholism is a progressive , fatal disease over which we are powerless.
Having lived with the disease and attempted to cope in the insanity of the situation we too need a program of recovery. Our thinking has become distorted by trying to force solutions so that meetings help us to break the isolation caused by the disease, share honestly from our hearts our own experience, strength and hope and in so doing we develop new constructive ways to view the world and cope.
Face to Face meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number is found in the white pages. Please call and attempt to attend We also have on line meetings here 2xs a day and if possible you can attend here as well
This is a great place to start. Coming to the online meetings and reading the message boards really helped me. I also go to Face to Face Meetings and have done counseling. Reading all the literature you can is very important. It helps keep us sane while chaos is all around us. Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing. Sounds like you are on the right track!
The eviction notice is evidence that there are high levels of stress in your family. It's great that you're working so hard to lower those. The tools of Al-Anon have proven invaluable for so many of us I think it's worth its weight in gold. So I'd wager that the time spent away from your family will be repaid in much more serenity in your family. There are also online meetings here, though there's no substitute for a good face-to-face meeting. I hope you'll keep coming back and take good care of yourself.
Aloha SaraLee and welcome to the board...I went thru very similar with my eldest son when he was 18-19 and I did the same thing...evicted him and then moved into a smaller place for myself that didn't have the room for a revisit just so I could hold my own boundaries. Oppositional/defiant disorder is part and parcel of the alcoholic/addict personality...that is where bottoms come into play when the ODD no longer works. Pray for her bottom and don't get between it and her...let her feel it. Good you found your bottom. Keep coming back. You have family here. (((((hugs)))))
I support what the others have posted. Nothing changes if nothing changes; adding in al anon meetings may be the change in your schedule that is crucial and critical. It takes strength to remove your daughter and strength to stay strong after she is out. This is where the support of al anon peeps is essential. I know this is excruciating.
Sara Lee.... WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY Here at "MIP" You have Made the Right "Click" :D
I Too Grew up with an Alcoholic/Addict Father & Brother, so I Know that Very Well & All the Crazy Insanity that Goes with it ... You are Doing GREAT! You are Making Boundry's & Plans for Your Own Good... That Truly is Progress... None of It will Come Easy, but then again... What has been Easy so Far!
I too Am an Alcoholic (3.5yrs Sober:) and I got Sober Right Here! & At My F2F (Face to Face) Meetings... The Board Here & the Meetings Here are a Great Place to Start... (I've been here over 5yrs) but I am in agreement that You just can't top a F2F Meeting... Seeing the Faces of Those in the Same Struggles, they have Held Me up, Hugged me when I felt Unhuggable, they have Cried with Me & Never Judged me for ANY Of My Insanity... Even While Working thru My Own addictions...
I can Relate to your Daughter as well, Because of Being an Alcoholic... I Started drinking when I was 12! She will Not Find Recovery till she is Ready, Reguardless How Much WE Love them, Reguardless how much Pain they Put us thru, it Truly is a Very Personal Disease... There is Help for Her too when she is Ready to Accept it... I was an Undiagnosed Out of Control Child, I have Done my Best to Make right by the peeps I have Hurt in it all, but the Guilt still Ways heavy at times, but then I Remember How far I have Come...
Our Job is to First & For Most Take Care of Ourselves so as We can then Make Good Decissions about whats Next... Getting yourself to that F2F Meeting would be a Great step in the Right Direction... Normally they are Only 1hr long, so 1 hour is a Small Price to pay for Your Own Serenity in all this... And i Promise ya, You can Find Serenity, if working this Program... And it will be So Worth it :O)
So Glad your Here! Keep Coming Back... Your Healing has Only Just Begun
