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Hi. I'm confused and hope someone may help. I've never known my partner drink. he's been sober 6 years and I've known him for 2, but he, on occasion, is verbally aggressive, moody, etc and recently told me it's because he's not going to enough meetings. With this in mind I was thinking about maybe joining al anon to gain more insight into his issues and how it may affect him now. However, is al anon right for me if I've never been affected by his drinking, never seen him touch a drop etc?
Hi
I would go definitely attend meetings! If I'd done that earlier in my relationship with my ex partner, I'd understand much more and my life would have been different.
If you out looking for answers then yes Al-anon is for you. So keep coming back, read everything you can get your hands on and start taking care of you.
You are not alone....
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
To answer your question it is important to understand that - Alcoholism is a threefold progressive disease-- Spiritual, emotional and physical. . It can be arrested but not cured. Once the drinking has stopped (the physical part of the disease) the emotional and spiritual part of the illness must be addressed, and treated on a daily basis. AA has the tools and support to address all three components.
Alanon is a program for families who live with or have lived with the disease of alcoholism. Face to Face meetings are held most communities and the hot line number is found in the white pages. It is here I learned how to live one day at a time, focused on myself, validating my needs and trusting a Higher Power. I suggest that you look them up attend at least 6 meetings and then determine if they could help you.
Please keep coming back here as well You are not alone.
it sounds like your husband is self-aware enough to know that he needs to up his meetings, that's great. Hopefully he is doing so.
The third tradition of Al Anon says that "The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend." It doesn't say your relative or friend has to be drinking at the moment. And it sounds like you are having a bit of a problem, so I would say you qualify!
And when you do go, you may find yourself liking the people, they are generally very receptive to any questions/problems you have. We all share on thing, and that is that we have been affected by someone else's drinking, and we also understand that few people like to discuss it openly, thus the 12th tradition "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. "
Aloha me chelle (cute...like it) and welcome again to the mip board. Most Al-Anon meetings are open to those who want to know and there are lots of chairs you can choose from. The fellowship will rise to support you as the MIP fellowship/family has done here now. Go and go to as many as you can over a 3 month period...I suggest what was suggested to me and which I followed thru on. There are lots of open AA meetings you can attend too so you can listen to what alcoholics in recovery also share to help each other get and stay sober. I wouldn't be an interference to you partners sobriety by doing that so consider that and him if you think of trying this tool. In any case what you do should be only for your own awareness and understanding and no one elses.
It does sound like he's saying that his program of recovery got disturbed and one of the things (only one) that happened is he laid back on going to meetings (support) and the consequence of this to an alcoholic is very dangerous because alcoholism is a life threatening disease. Alcohol isn't a benign chemical. It isn't "only" a beer or a shot. Alcohol has the ability to alter the mind, the body the spirit and the emootions and it often kills; is fatal if not arrested by total abstinence.
Proof of its power is that it has caused you also to come here to look for answers and support. It reaches out and touches everything and one it comes into contact with and we go as insane as they do without the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality.
Glad you found this form just as glad as when I found it. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Thanks everyone. My OH has now been diagnosed with depression, an illness I understand, but I keep thinking will it be another excuse for him to be moody and aggressive, eg if I tell him there's no need to have a go at something small it's always been "OK I wont say a word from now on, I'll keep my gob shut since I'm never right anyway!!!" etc, now I think it will be "well I am ill you know". I just want him to say sorry, isn't one of the 12 steps to make amends. Feeling really angry at the moment :(
We only have control over ourselves - and, personally, I barely have control over that! Wanting him to say sorry is very understandable, I can still list most of the sins that my AW has done to me. His whole attitude sounds passive/aggressive, I should know, I tend towards that. And that seems to me to be bad for an A. Most people in AA are brutally honest, passive/aggressiveness doesn't fly. If he's not being completely honest there could be a problem.
Having said that, perhaps he is responding to something in your voice or attitude? Sometimes we come into Al Anon thinking we will fix our A, then we get our heads cleared and realize that we have some fixing to do. I wouldn't have admitted to the whole passive/aggressive thing until I got into Al Anon, even though my wife had told me maybe 6,000 times that I am! Stepping back and self-evaluating through starting to do the steps is doing wonders for me and my attitude.
Have you been to an Al Anon meeting yet? I love it, and I love this board, and especially the people that are in my meetings and on the board. Keep coming back and you will become a miracle in progress!
He is very passive aggressive, the mood swings are driving me nuts and honestly driving me away :( He says I speak too quietly, not something anyone else would say (I have asked lol) and complains I'm constantly moody and miserable, but it's more because I'm so scared of saying anything in case he flies off the handle again.
No I've not been yet, I've only just logged back onto here to read the answers. I'm starting my own business and I'm worried about leaving OH with my son as his moods are affecting him too so finding the time is hard. I think I will when my son goes to his dad's next though. Got to be better than sitting, waiting for him to snap again an having no one to speak to
You can go to an online meeting here twice a day. They are good too. Even better is the post-meeting chat IMO. Check in the upper left hand corner for a link and the schedule
