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I am new to al anon. In the past three years husband has relapsed 3 times. Most recent relapse feb. 11, 2014. We a two year old and another due in two months. When husband drinks he hides and disappears for weeks. This time he has come home and I have moved out because he is still drinking. My family is furious with him and are telling me I have to divorce him, cut off all communication with he and his mom, and not permit him at delivery of our unborn child. He blew our savings and I am barely getting by. I want to help save him again by taking control of all finances but know that I cannot his time. I love him and know he is sick and it breaks my heart when our two year old asks for daddy. He said he is dead inside and doesn't want to talk about us or his plan. I am so lost and don't know what to do. I am afraid to abandon him completely and lose him forever. Please help. I have a therapist who is helping me through this, but would appreciate advice from those who have been in my shoes.
My alcoholic ex husband and I had 3 children together, youngest is 16 now. Each pregnancy, his drinking got worse, in fact, he was drunk throughout my youngests birth, midwife, doctors, family all aware of his drunkenness, I was so ashamed because there was no hiding it but also looking at this perfect wee baby and look at the start he had, the family I was bringing him home too. I was very bitter about this and jealous of the mums who got to have the loveky experience of having a baby that I wanted. Thats my experience.
I left him 5 yrs ago and I got myself into alanon 2 yrs ago, I went to meetings, listened, read and learned about alcoholism and the effect it has on the whole family. I got myself into recovery, you cant save him but you can save yourself. Living with alcoholism develops symptoms in us. Resentment, self pity, hopelessness, anger, guilt. I brought up my children with these symptoms and they have symptoms of their own now. I have been changing in the last 2 yrs, recovering. My life has improved due to this program. Im dealing with the symptoms and im being a good example to my chikdren these days.
I know how you feel, ive walked in your shoes and I hope you come back here, this forum is the beginning for many people, who go onto committing to their recovery. Good luck.x
Strong...you've reached family here and like El-Cee said we have worn your shoes. You are not alone. You're new to Al-Anon. Are you attending face to face meetings in your area and do you have literature about the disease of alcoholism and how it has affected us and how we can lessen its affect on our lives. The program was a major miracle for me because I came into Al-Anon not knowing what alcoholism was and not even able to spell it. I was dumb as a stick about it and crazier than I had ever been because of it. I didn't even know then I has been born and raised in it and now that is all past...it doesn't matter because the disease doesn't affect me near as much as when I first arrived and it, the disease still is active in my family presently.
What you're dealing with is the insanity of the disease now, the expecting the husband and getting an alcoholic. It is maddening. My wife was an alcoholic/addict and our life was a horror story like your's is told. The disappearances and the thefts and the lying and all of it almost killed us both. Of course there were the DUIs and more and I learned I could get off that merry-go-round and roller coaster by working the Al-Anon Program which I do daily.
Glad you have found us...stick around...keep coming back and participating and get another miracle in progress...yours. (((((hugs)))))
I am glad you found us here at MIP! I can very much relate to your post. Face to face al-anon meetings helped me, so has MIP and reading lots of books like "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, my 3 daily al-anon readers "Courage to Change" "One Day at a Time" "Hope for Today". Digging into your self care and working an al-anon program can help you. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you for your response. My husband continues to drink regardless of baby being due in a week and a half. He has days where he contacts me and tells he is dead to the world and for me to move on and other days he is some what coherent trying to play catch up with bills. He isn't giving me any monies and has blown our savings. Yet on his somewhat coherent days he wants me to discuss helping him pay for bills when he is giving me nothing. I can't and won't help him out financially for I am currently on maternity leave. Yes the enabler in me wants to help pay for bills but he did this to us and needs to hit rock bottom if he chooses to drink and not seek help.
