I feel I'm nearing a crossroads in my life. Yet, I still feel this sense of dread, because I know the courses of action and the decisions I must make to better my situation for ME, will inevitably leave my A behind to catch up. Within the next year I"m going back to school. I've yet to decide in state or out, but I am sad, because as much grief as the disease has caused in our relationship, I truly love him, and I want the best for both us. I know this is the best decision for me, but it is hard. I have played the part of the anchor for him, at times in terribly unhealthy ways, and now grounding myself, base around my needs, and not his, is a scary but necessary step approaching. I'm going to meetings, nearing the comfort level with the program to get a sponsor, but I am still quite new and feeling a bit directionless when it comes to navigating the program. I am only a few months in. I know once I find a sponsor, that will give me more guidance, and doing more step work and going to more meetings, will help. I just wanted to vent and share my feelings of restlessness. Its hard to make big changes in your life, its even harder when you live with an active A, so I'm just trying to be proud of my accomplishments and not let the chaos rob me of that joy.