I'm taking it second by second.. - Al-Anon Family Group

Gaby · Senior Member

I'm taking it second by second..

Mimi3 · Senior Member

Very wise words Gaby!!

Now give yourself a big hug & believe them:)

Thank you for sharing & staying connected!

(((HUGS)))

Inrecovery · Member

You're doing good Gaby. One day at a time an if that's to much break it down to one hr at a time an if that's still to much take one minute at a time. When I'm in a situation like that I try and apply step 1 to the best of my ability. "We admitted we are powerless and our lives had become unmanageable. " Powerless can be very hard for me but it gets easier the more I practice it in every area of my life. Another good one I use a lot is the "Serenity Prayer". Accept the things I cannot change and courage to change the things I can. Keep coming back an sharing.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Gaby)))) When I got into step 2 I learned to turn my alcoholic/addict wife over to my HP and stop snatching her back to myself. I learned I was doing that from my home group and sponsor and they taught me to let go and bring my hands back empty. I learned to surrender her in confidence, faith and not look over my shoulder to see if she was still in view. Step 3 then guided me into surrendering no...abandoning my life and will over to HP. smile

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

I have a son too that brings me those types of feelings, it helps me also, to remember he is in Gods hands, I cannot baby sit an adult, I love him madly deeply as you do yours, and so they have to find their own way home!

yours in support

Katy

x

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Have faith in what you are writing here. You know in your heart you can't do anything to help him right now. He will realize what is happening to him when he is left to his disease and own it completely. If you step in the disease wins and it will start all over again.

He has people out there to help him when he is ready....he's been through it, he knows it and he knows where to go when he's sick and tired of being sick and tired,

((( hugs )))

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes, Gaby, you can choose each second to live it to it's fullest no matter what fear is around you. It's a ton of practice and progress, not perfection. Sending prayers.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I want to say something else. I know exactly where your coming from...I've been there. So you posting your fear and heartbreak here helps me too if you are not aware of it. A little over a year ago, you can see my posts, the crying, fear, worry and enabling I did and how so so much I wanted to help my son to have peace. I was so scared I couldn't work or go anywhere because I wouldn't be home in case my son needed me. My phone was my enemy and would jump out of my skin if it rang. I would run to him and make it all better for a week or so then it would start again. It had to stop or I was going to be in a mental facility or dead.

Now I can reach out to others like you and help in my small way that you can live again even though your son is still in the throws of this disease. You can love him without giving in. You can still listen without running to him. You can calming tell him there is help but mom is not the help he needs but will 100% be behind him if or when he seeks that help.

The fear of death is real I know this but to continue to enable, worry and fear for him doesn't keep him safe. What might keep him safe is you letting go and letting him feel the reality of his disease and pray he doesn't leave us. That's all we can do.

My love and concern for you is real and I will continue to pray for our sons that they will become so so sick of this disease they will finally let go too and let their HP take over.

This is for both of us and for our sons Gaby

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol/drugsthat our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

( hugs )

Rose50 · Senior Member

How well put, Cathy. I am in the same place. I have learned so much about this horrible disease and never realized that I was actually hurting my son with all my enabling. I couldn't eat or sleep due to my anxiety. I felt I always had to be there when he called..run and save him again. Well it made me feel better at the time and then the cycle would start all over again. It was no way to live.

The fear that this disease will take him is very real but I have no control. I can only turn him over to God. I pray each morning for all our boys - that they may find their way out of this hell they're living in.

You are not alone. (((hugs)))

jillybean1 · Senior Member

I think it's like this: you know that the person you love can swim.....then they jump into the deep end of the pool and start to drown. When they first did this, you jumped in after them........and they nearly took you down to the bottom with them, then you learned......and every now and again you would throw a rope or life preserver out to them......instead of taking the help, they cursed you out and threw them back....but you learned...........now you stand on the edge of the pool......watching (because you KNOW that they know how to swim).....but you just watch and pray that they will do what they have to do----start to swim. It is very hard and painful to do nothing, but there is nothing you can do and you know it. So you have to do the thing that is hardest of all----stop watching and go about your life.

I must admit that I am still stuck on the watching part. It is like a traffic accident that you are being directed around, you look----- instead of just driving past.

I hope you son swims!! My AH is just starting to doggie paddle and I hope he keeps his head above water too!!!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.