The material presented
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Aloha Family...yes we also get to have "hangovers" and I have one now. I didn't remind myself of the outcome before we (my wife and I) listened to and talked with my grand-daughter. Her dad, my eldest son, has relapsed and pretty well nuked as many family members as he could in the process. To watch the devastation this close up again reminds be of the early years of living in the disease before I found Al-Anon ...for real. We listened and spoke with her and we did that from our own experiences...going back and sharing what it was like, what happened and what it is like now and I forgot there would be a hangover because this is very very close to home...my flesh and blood...fetal alcoholic syndrome at birth herself. She is sooo beautiful now at 20, married and a mother of one of our great-grandchildren and she has the signs of a "fixer"...Damn...Damn...Damn. We are concerned and told her that "we do things that most of the family does not do to cope with the insanity". We 3Ced her and sloganed her and shared our "lessons"...and then we sent her home because we became aware that we were "drinking" of it to much and too long. The insanity is 1000 proof and aged over many generations. She now knows where she can come to get "different" and also knows that our home group meets tomorrow at 6PM and where and who can tell how this will come out for today. I didn't know and didn't even didn't know anything before I found the programs of recovery and MIP. I pray for this/and our famlies. I always suggest we do that. Mahalo for your love and kindness (((((hugs)))))
If its any help to you, Jerry, my go to mode is always that of the rescuer like your granddaughter. I have learned to recognize the urge to save and I have learned how to thank it for sharing and choose a different action. Life helped me learn that when I'd grow exhausted from trying to "save" others and couldn't do another thing, I'd notice that they were doing quite alright and could manage themselves quite nicely without me. My HP would send me little messengers, too, who would help me consider a different way of being helpful for others than my usual way. Good that you offered her what you have learned and then stepped away, too. Lots of prayers for all of you.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 18th of February 2014 08:09:50 PM
Sorry to hear this Jerry, its got to be tough because you can't force anyone to seek help and yet you know that it works as you are living proof. I will send prayers for you and your family and for healing.
She has more going for her than many in her situation - most families don't have a great example that can help them shelter from the insanity.
You may worry that you have spoken words to her tonight but, as we all know, they watch more than they listen, so your ongoing example has been and will continue to be worth a lot.
You really have experienced this monster of a disease from all sides, Jerry. You are a testament that the programs work. Praying for you and your family.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
When I read your post, I was instantly reminded of an old Joni Mitchell song:
I've looked at love from both sides now From give and take, and still somehow It's love's illusions I recall I really don't know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud To say "I love you" right out loud Dreams and schemes and circus crowds I've looked at life that way
Something's lost and something's gained in living life this way. I guess at this stage of my life its the "moons and Junes and Ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way we feel" when we love with all our hearts and minds and souls that tells me I have passed this way and how I've lived may be as others have said, my true epitaph. My thoughts and prayers go with you Jerry and your family. The power of your loving example is more than you may know.
I'm so sorry Jerry. It's sad that you have to see this but having to see your grandchildren go though this must be heartbreaking. I guess I can thank God my son doesn't have children. Your granddaughter is a lucky girl to have grandparents that understand and can help some.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
It's great that she came to you. My kids know that they always have their G-ma. She is not involved w/ Al-anon, but she just bakes them cookies and gives them love and a place of refuge from their crazy home life. It's like a mini vacation for them and they come home all bouncy and good.
Your Granddaughter has all that plus the added benefit of all your knowledge of the addiction.
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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. (Dr. Suess)
I am so sorry that this disease has affected your family in such a way. I think you are showing them that there is another way and that there is help out there for them. That is powerful. You have given her something to think about and let her go. Your love is the right kind of love Jerry. I hope one day to be able to love this way so naturally.x
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jerry)))))))))))))))))))) Sending loads of comfort prayers and OH I can SO relate.....the insanity trickles down and keeps trickling and all we can do is lovingly detach which I think you guys did great w/your grandaughter....So sorry about this...
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Praying for you and your family.