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Im tired of believing and trusting what my AH tells "Ill be back"! I know that he is not, and he knows that I hate when he lies, and he tells me every times "trust me"! I'm so tired of those words! Thursday I came home from work he was not home, and Friday morning on my way to work, I text my AH and told him "Happy Valentines Day, I know I'm going to spend alone", he respond back with "NO, Happy Valentines Day, can I come home?" I respond to him, " unless you are sober if not dont come home", He respond "I am"! So, He was sober when I came home, and again I cried hard and told him that Im tired, that I want the best for him, he states he knows but he cant control it this time around. So, we knowing that he didnt get me nothing for Valentines day I got him a card and he took me for pizza.
Today, we went for breakfast, and we had a little money to spend and went to the casino, well we had fun he was not drinking didnt seem like he was craving it, but the signs were there that he was smoking awfuly alot, then when I turn around he is at the bar, ordering a drink! My panic attack hit me and all he kept telling me its only one, its going to be ok, dont embarrasse me! I took a deep breath, kept walking with him and left the casino and went home. So, we get home goes straight to his phone and states to me, that he so call friend needs a ride to the store. So, he conviences me Ill take your care, and know that I have to come back. Well that was a lie, he left his phone at home, and its been over a hour! I'm calm due to my medication, but Im hurt that he lied! I was praying and having faith that this will end my misery of emotional pain I have.
But again I have to keep repeating to myself that I have to take care of me, myself, and I!
Yes, it is true what you say that you have you to take care of you. One of the ways you're doing it is by reaching out to us. After awhile, our program work helps us trust what our eyes see rather than hoping what our ears hear will come true. It is difficult to have hope for something that might never happen. It is equally empowering to have hope in ourselves and what we can do to be honest with ourselves, make changes that we are capable of making and doing things that we love to do! Keep coming back. We've been there.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 15th of February 2014 09:48:19 PM
I don't know about you, but somewhere in time, I bought into that Prince Charming and Cinderella story as a young person. I loved the idea of wearing glass slippers and being pursued by a man who would be there as the storybooks suggested he could be. Later I learned that the men I was drawn to were actually in my life to help me grow or to recognize childhood wounds that needed healing. The most difficult relationship for me was my marriage and although some might call it a mistake, I think it was a catalyst that spurred me to become more than my culture allowed for women at that time in my life. I learned that anger was a tool I could use to benefit myself and make changes I was ready to enact. Anger can be a good beginning towards a new life for you if you choose to listen to what it is trying to tell you about what you need to do for you.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 15th of February 2014 10:54:09 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 15th of February 2014 11:35:47 PM
"I'll be back" Who is he the Terminator? Sounds like he is terminating your relationship.
In my case my AH keeps making the wrong decisions (away from sobriety). At this moment he is in a different hospital waiting to dry out to be questioned about another suicide threat. I will love him forever because of our past and our GREAT kids and how he raised them (Mr. Mom), I don't want to leave him but I may HAVE to, in order to remain sane and for the kids. I am sad about this but can do nothing about his decisions to drink or not. I will always have hope and I will pray. I will always tell him I love him but that I may not be able to be with him.
I am praying hard tonight that he gets the help that he asked for this afternoon and that his disease doesn't take over and talk him out of this predicament.
It is easy to say to take care of yourself but we are entangled (like a can of worms) and to undo the tangle takes time. When I get the next can of worms, I am going to try and go fishing!!! LOL
Sending you support!!!!!!
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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. (Dr. Suess)
You know, I never thought of that your quote"Sounds like he is terminating your relationship", If i really think about it, he is slowly terminating our marriage over relapsing again after two years of sobriety.. in his last marriage he states he was sober for five years, now how cant he not do that for our marriage?
We dont have kids but we have three dogs that I see as my kids, and it does feel like he just done and slowly telling us to" hit the road jack" slowly!
He doesn't get drunk or stay sober for your marriage. It's really not about you. The disease wants what it wants, and it wants it anyway it can.
I urge you to go to F2F meetings,at the least some online meetings. People there willful you hope, and you can get your head clear about what's really going on.
You might want to go to a Al-anon meeting. F2F mean Face to Face meetings where you with other just like you. MIP is a great place to come and vent and get ESH ( experience, strength and hope ) but Al-anon meetings are more personal.
Here are a couple sayings you might think about.
He is going to drink or he's not...what are you going to do.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Keep coming back my friend because you are not alone. There is hope and it comes when we let go and let HP take over.
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
NSW - Not a doctor, but be careful with the anti-anxiety meds. Sounds like you have a script for benzos. Those are really addictive too. Also - keep them out of view of your husband because the anti-anxiety drugs taken with alcohol is a blackout recipe and it's really dangerous.
I agree with the feedback from all the others. I would hit some face to face meetings. It will expand your support. Right now it sounds like you have all your eggs in 1 basket and when he doesn't act right, it ruins your world entirely. Well...it is naturally very upsetting that this is happening with your husband, but Alanon will help you find yourself again to know you will be okay with yourself, your HP, that you have other interests, friends and hobbies and it's not all about him and his drinking. Your life is yours to live - not his to mess up.
When I first went to Al-Anon Meetings years ago, it was recommended that I go to as many as possible,get a sponsor, seek counseling and not make any major decisions for at least a yearI'm very grateful I did all of them and that it saved my sanity.
I'm much more serene today and extremely grateful to Al-Anon for introducing me to a better way of life.
of believing and trusting what my AH tells "Ill be back"! I know that he is not, and he knows that I hate when he lies, and he tells me every times "trust me"! I'm so tired of those words! Thursday I came home from work he was not home, and Friday morning on my way to work, I text my AH and told him "Happy Valentines Day, I know I'm going to spend alone", he respond back with "NO, Happy Valentines Day, can I come home?" I respond to him, " unless you are sober if not dont come home", He respond "I am"! So, He was sober when I came home, and again I cried hard and told him that Im tired, that I want the best for him, he states he knows but he cant control it this time around. So, we knowing that he didnt get me nothing for Valentines day I got him a card and he took me for pizza. 