I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I had a bit of a similar valentines day, but I had to realize my part in it too. He sucks at budgeting, so I shouldn't have been surprised that he waited till THE last minute to get a gift, and then he spent his last few dollars on a last minute gift, and then I ended up having to let him borrow money to buy me flowers and get groceries for the rest of the week. He has been sober on and off for 2 weeks, so I do feel I am having a lack of compassion, but his lack of intention and forethought, still hurts, with or without him being sober. We had an overall good night after the gift fiasco, but I always feel like shit because I set myself up to enable his actions, and then I get angry when I get the expected result. It sucks owning up to that, but that is the way it is. I say next year, we both buy ourselves a giant bouquet and chocolates, forget waiting on them to do something.

When you are ready to go to alanon, go. I can't tell ya wether or not you should right now. I wouldn't have wanted to go before I was ready, but I can say meetings helped me A LOT. I've made a commitment to go once a week, and I'm quickly realizing that is not nearly enough. He thankfully supports me going even though he hates the idea of it. He went to a speaker meeting with me, and felt there was a lot of "alcoholic bashing" which he doesn't approve of, but he can't really see the whole side to the perspectives presented, which I'm sure you are more than familiar with. I hope you find some time to yourself and are able to get a meeting. I really feel for you. I wish you all the best!