just a word .. i had the daRnedest time logging in to step chat .. in fact, i changed my name to Serenity4uNme .. it kept saying email in use, yaddah yaddah .. so i Recreated a live.com account with the new name .. when i went back in I realised at one point i lost my page i was typing on .. grr then when i went to relog in .. it said email already in use .. of course i realised i must have it up still some where .. but the point is .. think it's important to be sure we log out every time .. not positive but thinking that was why i can't use my old email again .. maybe never logged out .. dunno .. maybe a glitch .. maybe just a glitch in my head lol .. anyway .. just passing along my somewhat unclear experience ..

i read something in the forum today i so love because it shows growth and reason .. it was written in an old 1991 edition sent in by Ruthie B, Idaho .. long article so just a clip:

Slowly, and I do mean slowly, my Higher Power let me see the truth about me and the part I played in my unhappiness. I'm so grateful today that my Higher Power was gentle with me. I'm not sure I would have survived today's reality back then. I needed time to learn how to love myself. Alanon members loved me when I thought I was unlovable, I am amazed with all the serenity and love in my life today.

When i think of how many times i want to know my future today .. i have said this to sponsees over and over .. but you don't want it yesterday .. you don't want it now .. that would be like me sitting you down and sayin that's it we're gonna read read read share share share write write write .. i want you to call your husbands, kids, boss and tell them you won't be around until next year lol or in another 20 years .. my sponsees can't stand more than an hour of step work with me a week lol cuz there's so much intensity there .. i give them a headache .. I remember when i was the same way with my sponsor ..

well i am looking at that .. the reality of today .. this week i have been emotionally and mentally slammed into the ground with the intensity of having to look at me .. the joy is returning today .. i feel freer than i have in weeks And i'm not even done with the 4th but when i see it all and think back to where i was yesterday, all i can see it preparedness healing and all i can say is .. Thank you god for helping me then prepare for what is today !! hp has carried us through to here and will carry us through to there .. the vast unknown. it's enough that hp knows what will happen .. he will certainly prepare us .. he/she sees it .. he/she can plan .. prepare .. we can't ..