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I thought I'd provide an update to a previous post regarding my therapist. She called me yesterday and we had a long discussion regarding what happened. She apologized several times and said she was not aware of the situation and the biller was not acting on her behalf and is angry with her biller. She told me that the biller had become seriously ill - not to excuse her actions, but to state that she's been out of character and thinks that others have been adversely affected too and left her practice.
I spilled it all- held back nothing. When I worked in corporate collections, I never had my staff treat anyone the way her biller treated me. Scum of the earth may have been muscled a little, but not to the degree that her biller muscled me... and I only directed a strong approach when someone was not making any attempt for payment over a long period of time. I know this is me and she can run her business anyway she wants. I just wanted her to know how her style affected me... since she asked.
I told her that her initial stonewalling me from discussing my feelings contributes to damages as does her judging me for partaking in a cycling tour (that I didn't pay for). She didn't recall her statement and I would not let her off the hook- I told her that I cannot speak as to why she made the statement but I can accept that I assigned judgement to it.
I told her that this whole thing made me question all the work that we had done together. What was real? What was true? What can I take forward with me that works?
She offered free therapy for as long as I needed until I'm back on my feet financially. I told her I would need that in writing and I still am not sure I can make the adjustment to rebuild trust. She insisted that it is not about money. I let her know that statement is no longer credible, as she has said this many times, but, from the actions- all I can see is that it is totally about money or she wouldn't have a per-centage of my house as proof. (paid her the full remaining balance with a home loan- since the biller insisted on the full amount immediately- I thought there was a fire!)
This is a strange time for me, I feel like all my supports are being kicked out from under me. I don't know if this is what my HP wants, or if it's something my HP is trying to prevent. Praying. A lot. It's like I'm feeling too human. I don't want to feel human, I just want to be human? or the other way around? or maybe in my struggles, I'm just feeling sorry for myself because I want to be human like everyone else, but not feeling that I have that. Well enough of that...
I found this phone call was comforting on one level, but cynical me sees holes in the storyline that don't make sense. How I've experienced this negativity from my therapists' office. Ya think they'd be paying me! lol
Thank you for listening.
-- Edited by bud on Monday 10th of February 2014 10:25:12 AM
It sounds to me like you handled things really well, .. you stated how you felt and now you need to figure out where to go from here, getting in writing at this point is a MUST if you are going to re-establish trust with your therapist. She is going to have to accept that fact. I don't like being human because then I feel vulnerable and after the emotional abuse I have lived through that's not a good feeling. I'm starting to be more at ease with the idea of being human and not feeling that it's a bad thing to be human.
Anyway, maybe your HP is moving you into a place of new healing and going to bring someone new in to help you move forward.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Thank you SerenityRUS. I agree about having it in writing- she agreed to it. Since all seems to have equal opportunity, I'll take your thoughts that HP is moving me to a better place and one of healing. Many thanks!
I was instantly struck by how the behavior of your therapist sounds an awful lot like dealing with an alcoholic relationship. I agree you may need to look elsewhere for help. It is vital for a therapeutic relationship to have strict boundaries or trust cannot exist. I have had trust destroyed with a couple of therapists who violated the accepted boundaries with devastating results. I hope you find your way through this. I also understand not feeling human or worthy of humane treatment. This sounds like a scary place for you to be. I hope you keep sharing here and that you find a safe place to work on this.
Thank you for getting this CWYA. Interesting observation and I appreciate your calling it to my attention. My buttons were being pushed tremendously outside the therapy office and then from within. Then I started second-guessing if I was over reacting. I have PTSD and this was the woman treating me. She stated she wanted to own her part in what happened, but I could see that she was struggling to do so... it's ok if she didn't remember saying certain things (she was distracted that day), but I did not imagine it.... at best, I placed attachment to it based on the context of my part of the conversation with her (kind of a normal thing to do, but, hey, things can happen...). Thank you for encouraging me to continue sharing- I know you understand how much that means.
Oh, bud. Maybe I'm getting cynical in my old age, but I don't believe her. The biller works for her - not the other way around. And...if I remember your original post on this, you tried to talk with your therapist about this and she was just fine with a cash only basis. Looks like her cash only isn't working for her currently? Regardless - I'm glad you talked with her about this and got your stuff off your chest. How convenient for her to be "mad at her biller" after the bill has been paid in full. Sounds like a bunch of bologna to me.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 10th of February 2014 05:59:11 PM
Good for you. I wish more people would give their therapists HONEST feedback, and I wish more therapists would be open to growing WITH their clients. I really think the best relationships are when learning happens on both sides...but the therapist has to be willing to be on a journey too.
When my therapist says something that rings true, and might be an uncomfortable insight for me, I say F.U. Dan (his name). It's kind of an inside joke now, and then we laugh, alot. it took about 3 therapists before I found one who could push me, and whom I could trust. I know we are not supposed to give advice...but really...find a therapist who gets you...you have fulfilled your responsibility to this one...who I agree, may trigger your codependent tendencies (e.g., you need to keep seeing her so you won't make her mad? sad?)
in support,
RP
-- Edited by rehprof on Monday 10th of February 2014 05:54:54 PM
((Grateful))) thank you- I'm feeling so restless and shakey. I didn't return- I couldn't get myself to do it... so, we never had a chance to implement the cash thing.
Yes, I love how it's not a problem now that they have the money. They can run their business this way, but it seems to surpass ethics or even just courtesy- if they changed their mind, just say I'm sorry but we need to collect it within <<x>> amount of days. (vs we need payment in full at this very moment)
The therapist asked why I didn't speak up and I told her I did and asked her what I could have done differently, because I am stumped at how my directness wasn't clear... unless, of course, someone isn't listening....
She actually effected a laugh when I told her that my sponsor told me that she is not good for her word and that I would be naive to expect it. She said that she's been treating a few clients for free for four years, so this doesn't make sense. Well, she did get that right- it doesn't make sense.
I told her that I thought her efforts to contact me for an appointment since then was an attempt to cover herself legally from abandoning me because I am no longer a good fit for her practice. (This could be my disease talking, though- she got her money in full and I had been making significant payments, so not seeing me for non-payment is a pseudo-issue.)
She said she offered her biller a raise a few weeks ago and the biller declined! She asked me, an obvious rhetoric question, what I thought of this. (what is that rotting smell!?) She didn't understand why I wasn't returning and she has a few other long-standing clients who have not returned either. I think she called as part of a fishing expedition. One thing for sure, Alanoners know about bad fish!
People who've been through things can have an ability to help others... I don't know her story but it appears to have a presence. If she is naive to her biller's doings and undoings- it's not mine to fix! I told her this created a lot of damage for me. IDK. it's a lot of crazy!
thank you Rehprof- She says she wants to learn from this and this is why we talked for so long. She listened intently and did take it in. I have been working with her for a while and she's been amazingly helpful until this happened. I would be hard pressed to find someone who could help to this degree, but certainly there is help out there... help that doesn't have billing drama. I am feeling needy for support, but it's in reaction to the rest of what is going on in my life. My returning or not returning, I'm happy to say, is all about me - I'm not concerned if she's angry, upset with her biller or anyone else. I do think that her lack of vision/ clarity has created some thick walls (my walls).
