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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Surrender - Random thoughts on
Post Info TOPIC: Surrender - Random thoughts on
Tricia911


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Surrender - Random thoughts on
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After copious reading on Surrender I have come to believe that it is a step process, not a not there one moment and there the next. I have now come to believe that what I thought was my surrender was merely compliance. I was doing all the right things. But, until my conscious and unconscious linked up true surrender was not mine. I think this is more the way of how it works.

 

Admission: The facts are such that the problem can no longer be denied. But an intellectual assent and agreement is all that an admission is.

Compliance: Goes one step beyond admission. Actions are taken, but with reservations. I comply to save the job or the marriage or to deal with the legal consequences of the DUI. But there will come a day. Compliance is temporary action -- problem solved, action ceases.

Acceptance: The problem is embraced at an intellectual level as well as at a heart/soul level. It is fully conceding to one's innermost self.

Surrender: Is the place of giving up, completely. There are no reservations. "That day" is never going to come; it is for good and for all. I am utterly defeated by the problem, and I am willing to do anything in order to attain release, relief and freedom. Surrender has a permanence to it.

Here are the reading I did - DR Tiebout was Bill's psychiatrist. 

http://silkworth.net/tiebout/tiebout_surrender_compliance.html

http://silkworth.net/tiebout/tiebout_surrender.html

 

http://silkworth.net/tiebout/tiebout_ego_deflating.html

Would love to hear others views on this subject.

Tricia



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Jerry F


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Tricia I did it similar to what you have done...research along with experience getting it and not.  Dr. Paul's message on "Acceptance" from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous which filtered into the Al-Anon meetings I was attending.  From our ODAAT daily reader, Harry Tibout's lessons on the difference between submission and surrender..where submission is on the conscious level and surrender much deeper on the sub-conscious and sooooo many lessons taught to me by my sponsorship and the fellowship where I got to listen and then watch how it was done and then to be there to witness outcomes for others who were "getting it".  The instruction to me of "sit down (all the way down), listen, learn, practice, practice, practice was the method that worked for them and then worked for me.  Surrender is a "do" thingy.  Part of its taproot is in the slogans; "Let go and Let God, When in doubt DON't"!!, "Don't react"!! "Turn it over" and others.  The original taproot is the start of our steps "Admitted we were powerless...", and then moves us to steps 2 and 3 and the summary of the three I learned in early recovery..."I can't...God can...I'll let him/her/it/God" (as you believe God to be).  

You're doing the work and you and the rest of us will gain from it.   Mahalo  ((((hugs)))) smile



-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 1st of February 2014 05:53:01 PM

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el-cee


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This website is great, some really interesting stuff. Thank you for bringing it here.

For me surrender did come with relief. I had been fighting for a long time, believing there was a fix and I just couldn't find it. Trying everything possible to improve things for my family and actually making it worse. Doing everything wrong believing it to be right in a warped way. My surrender came through dark depression that kept me in my bed for days at a time. I felt demented and was barely able to function at times, I think this was part of the surrender, I was surrendering to my own feelings and helplessness in a way and that allowed me to see how sick I was. I knew I had to do something and I went to my first meeting already surrendered to be honest. I had reached my bottom, a place that for me, was the worst I had felt, I wasn't coping and I gave up and it was scary really. I wondered if this would take me away to hospital, if my mind was finally packing in. I think that I was actually giving up my own arrogance, I was defeated, my self will was constantly getting it wrong so I was aware that I was getting nowhere, I needed something new, new thought processes, I was really open to everything at Alanon, really eager and receptive and I got instant relief and hope. I have not looked back.

When I think about my own surrender like this I actually wonder when I began surrendering, did it take me years and years really of doing things my way, struggling and fighting against reality, holding on to really crazy viewpoints and dreams, is this also part of the surrender because until you go through that part then how can you reach your bottom? Thought provoking, thank you. I love posts like these, that get you thinking and challenge you to look deeper.x

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el-cee


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Also, how can you know what surrender is until you actually feel it and go through it, I mean I wouldn't have really known what this meant before, it might make sense to me but i would have had no real understanding of it. Its like a process and there is no short cut. Only when things are bad enough for the person do they get to that point. I think I can surrender thoughts and opinions on a daily basis now, I am much more able to let go of thoughts and beliefs that keep me from growth, thanks to being able to look at myself in a way that is more honest.

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MorningGlory


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Started reading the links you posted, pretty heavy, and very interesting. I had been feeling like I was in a bit of a rut. This has helped me understand exactly where I am at this time, thanks! One foot in acceptance and one foot in surrender. I know that it is my fear of the permanence associated with surrender that is holding me still for now. I have not had that "major event" that heaves me closer to surrender. I am for now, safe and peaceful and feeling better than I have about me in a long long time. I think I am okay here for a while, waiting and listening and learning, apparently bridged between acceptance and surrender, sure sounds more positive than "rut"! I'm good with that for today!



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hopes314


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You know you have surrendered when it is not an issue anymore. It is not in your thoughts.

You give up on the diet but you still do the next right thing. Is it the right thing that keeps me on track?

To me it is letting go and letting someone else drive. If you want to be the driver, then you are not ready to go.

It is easy to let go when you are ready but when you are not ready to forgive then you hang on to it.

Nothing like time to make you heal so upu can let go..

Hope


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Tricia911


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Well A change is perspective to the positive is always good. :)
MorningGlory wrote:

 I think I am okay here for a while, waiting and listening and learning, apparently bridged between acceptance and surrender, sure sounds more positive than "rut"! I'm good with that for today!

 



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