The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Usually when I post i have a general direction to go with my posts. I will apologize that I am now venting only. I have to. I have to get this out of me and I wish there was something else to help cope. Im not able to get to meetings due to vehicle issues, but I do start therapy first thing on monday and im grateful for that.
Basically, after one more last ditch effort where he did everything he could to be the "perfect" bf and I still wasnt happy, the bottom fell out and lies and accusations starting coming from our circle of friends, and the pressue flipped him out. He went right back into the same old, same old behavior patterns of disappearing, drinking, lying etc. Now, I have discovered that whenever he wants to be done with out relationship for a time, he leaves it so that its on good terms and he can always come back if he wants.
i could have left it alone and we could have reconciled in a week, but i decided to do something different. i broke the cycle so that there wont be an easy way to walk back in. i called a crisis hotline because i feel insane now. i feel seperation anxiety, a great void because this person took up almost all of my time, so now im lonely. but many of his and my good friends have said they are tired of watching him hurt me time and time again, like an abusive relationship. even his own best friend said please let him go and dont take him back, he takes you for granted and uses you as a comfort. his own best friend said maybe if you dont take him back it will finally be the thing that wakes him up, maybe not, but you need to respect yourself now and live for yourself.
i broke it to where it cant be fixed. i said my goodbyes. but that cycle of us smashing back together is something i want even though i dont want it. i miss him. but i know for my safety i have to stay away for a long while. i dont know how to continue on. i feel like an insane person, having panic attacks in the middle of the store because a song hits me or something that reminds me of him. i cant understand how i lost myself so completely in loving him. its made me realize my own sickness and my own flaws and so im grateful in a way for the experience. but now i know i have suffered more than i wanted to admit and have to deal with the trama of this relationship.
i am looking for someone to email back and forth with to keep me on track, kinda like a pen pal sponser. is there anyway that can be arranged? I need support to keep myself away from this.
ou can post to the board at any time day or night and receive support from members. You can also private message to particular person that you might feel a connection with,Those messages are off the board and private.
ou can post to the board at any time day or night and receive support from members. You can also private message to particular person that you might feel a connection with,Those messages are off the board and private.
Good luck
I agree with hotrod...vent ...vent...vent and vent somemore....till its out of your system......and yes, i would read the posts here, and pic some one you think you resonate on and ask them to guide you on the 12 steps....12 steps will show you, help you discover yourself and you will come to understand WHY you think you can do anymore than an abuser...what is it in your past??? your family of origin??? 12 steps and inner child work will get all that out......you will find someone...just look and if they can't take you on, go down the list.....there are online meets here.....i would do that for sure......but yea, something is real wrong when you miss abuse...some unresolved past hurt or abandonment or something caused you to be with someone who i snot only emotionally unavailable but abusive, mentally to you......we repeat our histories until we face the 12 steps guided w a sponsor and we get into the meets....
meantime??? vent away....thats good therapy.....vent it out....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I would suggest that you look in the white pages of the phonebook where you live for the Alanon central office numbers or you can log onto the World Service office to find where meetings are and other information. if you call locally, people will reach out to you and help you find a way to get to f2f meetings. This is not to say you shouldn't continue to come here and attend online meetings but they are in addition to having live people to help you. So much of communication is absent from message boards...nothing like being in the same room as another human!
Good luck in your search. We all hope to hear how you're doing and we will help as best we can. There are always people available 24/7 which i find invaluable.
((Breamanic665)) That was courageous of you to jump off the emotional pain train! There are amazing people on this MIP site, keep coming back as often as you must, you will always find someone that will listen. You never have to feel alone.
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Nothing has changed but my attitude, everything has changed.
