The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm so grateful for the Alanon program that has taught me some very basic lessons, .. lessons I didn't learn during my childhood because they just weren't available to me.
This too shall pass .. (the AA version) like a kidney stone .. however it will pass. :)
One door closes and another opens .. in the meantime it's hell in the hallway.
When in doubt .. don't.
Pause, Pray and Proceed.
I really have reached a point of feeling at peace for the moment and I don't get those moments often because I have always felt as if I was fighting some kind of battle for survival. I'm learning through the God of my understanding (God and he's a He!) that I don't have to fight 24/7 for my basic emotional needs to be met. It's interesting to me because for so long I expected my parents to meet some of these needs even as an adult and I guess that is part of growing up realizing that I'm responsible and being ok with that.
It has been a battle for the last 2 years .. I will own some of it self created for myself .. however .. much has been created by someone else and I'm REALLY hoping that they are getting the clue .. I'm neither going away or giving up if anything my case is that much stronger. I just need to take a moment and breathe. I just continue to pray for closure for the kids and I. I pray that the God of my understanding chases my stbax, catches him and helps him with whatever plan He has for him. Now there was a time I would ask that He please help run him over with a mac truck and don't forget to back up and go forward more than a few times. LOL
So progress not perfection, .. I have come a long way. The kids are doing so well, I'm extremely proud of them because this isn't an easy situation and they have been given tools out of the box that I couldn't have given to them. I laugh because sometimes they have a better handle than I do on the situation. I really do try not to run their dad down .. oh good grief .. some of the crap he's pulled my basic response is you know that's not ok and he's just not ok .. because if he was ok .. he would be mortified that he did this to you guys. So about him not about you. That whole he's sick and has a disease only goes so far .. he IS still responsible for his actions and the consequences of those actions .. THAT is on him. I know I'm grateful I don't have to clean up his mess with his life .. it's sad to watch.
My poor sponsor .. LOL! I can tell when she's had a question mark in her voice when a situation has arisen .. she is a gift because she doesn't judge. I don't talk program when I share .. I do work my program through my words and actions .. I can't tell someone that's step 1 or that's a step 12 .. I know instinctively when I am working my program and when I'm not. I certainly fall down a lot.
For anyone who is questioning if they want to leave or not a great book is Getting them Sober Vol 4. That helps me a great deal working with regret, my weaknesses and so on. I don't feel guilt about leaving .. I know others struggle with that issue. It gives me clarity when I think to much or gas light myself about how bad was it .. it was bad enough that I knew I needed to make changes.
Now .. getting through this next week will be another story .. I just hope he doesn't screw up and not sign the deal .. it will be interesting to see what he does. I'm ok though and I will be ok no matter what.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Just think of everything you will some day be able to help someone else through! Its so much easier to look back a year to see how far I've come rather than thinking I'm not getting anywhere.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Yes and it's been a LONG two year process .. this week will be year number two he's been out of the house. 18 months into the divorce I'm just very much over some of this .. however, I guess I'm not over enough to roll over .. just not happening. Now .. wouldn't this seem like good motivation to just let us move? LOL? I was rereading the Vol 4 GTS book and realized OMGosh .. he won't go away! I love that line from the movie Heart Break Ridge when Clint Eastwood says .. something to the effect of "Don't just go away .. go away." ... that's how I feel .. GO AWAY!! Just PLEASE GO AWAY!! Hardest thing to get rid of is an Active Alcoholic is so true and I spent so much time being afraid he would go away .. now I want him to and I can't shake him off .. OP included and even that he doesn't get.
The growth is there .. I can really see it .. especially since June and not having to deal with a lot of other stuff.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I haven't read that GTS volume in quite some time. I should pull it out and re-read it. I love that you pray that God will chase after your STBXAH. I needed to read that today! Hugs and support to you today, I know it's hard and your road sure has been rocky to say the least. And, yes, you're right: the growth is there! Really, it is!
Thank you for reminding me about how helpful "Getting Them Sober Vol. 4" was to me when I was struggling with whether or not to leave. It really empowered me when I first read it four years ago and also when I reread it now. I'll be celebrating my Al-Anon five year birthday in two weeks and I continue to be amazed about how far I've come in this journey. Looks like you've been doing a good examination of your journey as well, Serenity. Good job!
Hugs,
GE
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Monday 20th of January 2014 07:04:33 PM
The "Getting Them Sober" books were such a God send for me and I should go back and read out of them, although lately I let myself get sucked into a relationship that sends me towards "Codependent No More". I love to watch you morph and grow and someday we will all be beautiful butterfly's. Right now I feel more like a fat caterpillar, but that is okay part of the process and I feel the changes coming. You have had a very long road! I gave up and rolled over on everything just to get out and be done, but used to have a few regrets, at least you have a back bone right out of the gate. I love your spunk, you have a great Spirit and are a good Mom! Sending you love and support always!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Ditto what all the others said, Serenity. You've been through a lot and you are going through some really tough stuff still. There will come a time when you will reach the top of the mountain and you'll be more than amazed at the fact you made it there! You might even cry and you won't know why. And we'll be with you then, too, cheering!
