The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I updated my avatar today. Last Thursday was the one year of anniversary of my AH's passing. I wanted to go away and be at a place that made me feel at peace- and this spot in my avatar photo is where I ended up (it's a lookout point in Kauai). I think I am finally at a point where I can start to give up the anger and move towards compassion (thanks, Jerry, for your earlier post on compassion- it really helped). I have had so many emotions about my AH basically killing himself slowly by drinking himself to an early death, but through Al-Anon, I've come to realize that the disease was more powerful than I had previously thought. It had a stranglehold on him that he could not overcome- not for himself, not for his family, though he tried several times.
I went to an open AA meeting during my travels last week and met a young man who was 16 months sober. We both shared our journeys and I learned so much through our interaction. He told me how he had to fight the disease every minute of every day. I praised him for his strength and told him that I would pray for him. He said the same to me. This was the day before I took this photo. I really felt the presence of my HP during my trip.
Thanks for letting me share.
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Wednesday 15th of January 2014 03:39:26 PM
I so know what you are going thru, I wish time would go by this year. My AH passed away this past July of organ failure, 58 years old. Even though we were living apart the past 6 years, he was still very much a part of my life.
I am so glad that I was there for him during those last moments as he had no family here, I was always his family. There were times In the past few months I was angry with him for giving up and giving in and not believing in himself, if he only knew what potential was inside of him.
I can say he came close to death many times, his HP gave him so many chances and still he could not fight the beast.
I do know that and believe that life is eternal and when we die the body dies but not the spirit. They will live on and if they come back it will be on a higher plane. Where they will not suffer.
You are alive Green Eyes, Enjoy what there is to enjoy.
What a beautiful place .. I don't know how anyone can travel to certain places and not be in awe of the world we live. I'm so very glad you had the fortunate experience of talking to a recovering A it puts things into perspective big time. Hugs, thinking and praying for you .. s :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Inpiring to hear of your progress and see you still appreciate beauty after all the desstruction caused by the disease. A testament to you, your HP, and to alanon.
I glad you made it. Had you on my mind and in my prayers and you found the Light House...what a metaphor for showing the way to safe harbor eh? I've been there when the disease was starting to rage in my own life and was inspired by all of the sea birds, Boobies and Gulls and such which feed off the ocean just off the cliffs. These places and scenes I believe are signs of compassion from our HP...compassion and grace. Recovery outside of the rooms. ((((hugs))))
