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Hi.. I am new to everything al anon and right now cannot go to f2f because of babysitting issues. I have been to one in the past. Ah has never attempted sobriety or would even discuss. Also he is of a cultural background where excessive drinking is a norm so to speak.
There is a HUGE sign in his bathroom, it says "3 days". I am having a panic attack!! Is this a "thing"??? An aa type thing? I can almost guarantee he did not go to any meeting or anything like that. He had a horrible binge on sat night so thinking this is related. I don't know if I should about it? I am afraid I will say or do the wrong thing. Why am I more scared of this then of his crazy binges???
Hugs and going to the most obvious thing .. have you asked him directly? I mean in a move way .. honey kind of was wondering what this note is? Has he ever hurt himself, you or the kids? This isn't an AA thing to the best of my knowledge? It kind of sounds like he's white knuckling sobriety to me. It's that I'm showing you I can be sober ... he might have scared himself over the weekend. Hugs be safe ..
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I agree with Serenity. Asking him would help to relieve your anxiety. My first reaction to the words were a memory of a converston I had with my hubby. He always told me that it takes 3 days for alcohol to clear out of your system after a binge . That was always important to him.
Please do not project, stay in the moment , use the slogans and pray.
Thanks guys. No he is not hurtful or abusive in any way. But he does (rarely but he did on Saturday) hallucinate when he drinks too much :-/
I am sorry to hear it is not an aa thing but I know he would not go there.
My serenity is at the top of my list, usually. And if it slips to number 2, I quickly get it to the top. If it were me, I would ask in a way that I genuinely wanted to know, then accept the answer and get on with my life, my recovery, my serenity. If you need help accepting and moving to your recovery; meetings, slogans and the other al anon tools will help. It all sounds easy, but it is not...simple but not easy.
Got it, thank you :) I don't know why it worked me up so much. Usually i am pretty zen about everything :)
To clarify for PPs though, i was not scared, as in, "worried for my safety".. but scared as in 'wow is he trying to get sober and will i screw this up somehow by questioning his methods and blah blah blah...' type of worry.
I wonder if I should though recommend he try or do AA. vs trying to do it on his own. not that i think he would do it but just that i know he would have more of a chance at success....
-- Edited by tweety23 on Wednesday 15th of January 2014 11:33:57 AM
One more thing....if he is thinking of detoxing he should consult a doctor or a detox center. Alcohol is one drug not easy to get off of...should always have help of a professional.
Just my take because I know what happened to my son in the past.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I understood that you were afraid of saying the wrong thing, that is one of my shortcomings, so I know it very well! You cannot, as long as you speak and act from your heart.
I too understand being afraid something I do or say will de-rail someone's path.
Once I got it about the 3 C's (I didnt cause it. I cant cure it. I cant control it.), it freed me to behave more freely. If my behavior could cause him to drink or not, you KNOW I would have chosen the behavior resulting in him not drinking. My behavior is immaterial to his actions.
It was only by repeated input from Al-Anon I could reach this liberation. I attend meetings, work with a sponsor and come to MIP. This is my lifeline, and it can be yours too. You are worth this. Your children can have at least one sane parent - YOU.
If you feel the need to ask him about this, my favorite slogan is "Say what you mean, mean what say, but don't say it mean" ( I may have that backwards, but the sentiment is the same). That gives you permission to say/ask it because you genuinely want to know, and to say it nicely. But I only ask/say it once. The "don't say it mean" part is important for me, usually if I am asking about something like that I'm already angry, so I have to step back a moment and ask myself how I would like to be asked that question before I speak.
My AW is a binger as well, she is in recovery now. I learned not to ask anything until she was sober, and then use the above slogan. But be warned - often when I use that slogan, she didn't use it back, meaning she may be mean, if she thought it would get her another drink.
I wish I had gone to Alanon at that time to prepare for the progression of this disease. Without a recovery program, it will get worse, it could be days or years, but it will. My AW had blackouts occasionally, then they became more frequent as her binging frequency increased. Having had education programs at her inpatient center did much for me, and got me to go to Alanon to work on my own recovery. Hopefully you can either go, or at least participate here.
OK I would let it go because it something he's doing for himself and really not ready to let others in right now. It's just another day...one day at a time.
Take care of you my friend
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
.