Hugs, unfortunately they are so unpredictable they are predictable .. I could watch my stbax and just know .. ok .. he's going to do this and say that and not follow through on anything he's said. It just is who he is today .. until he finds recovery he's not going to do anything differently. A few things I would encourage you to do now .. document .. document EVERYTHING. if you are going for sole custody you need to have that with you. In my case my stbax gave me sole custody.. He's made divorce a living nightmare. I didn't go by his exit plan I did my own. Angry doesn't describe things. He's his own worst enemy. You will have less fight with custody if everything is documented like prior record, dui's and so on make sure you talk to an attorney. I thought 2 years ago I would die .. now .. I'm doing ok, I'm beyond existing. I'm actually living. This next year is going to be a lot of work. I'm looking forward to it .. there are still things that have to change and those will come when they come. I am so very grateful for mip and alanon f2f meetings. There are always a few surprises along the way. I had to laugh when I was accused of having an affair with a married co-worker that was his deal not mine. I know when I'm ok my kids are ok and be very careful not to transfer everything to your daughter or you will wind up in a coda relationship with her and it's not fair to put that kind of pressure on a kid. That was my experience with my mom growing up .. I still have a hard time separating from her. She doesn't respect boundaries especially mine. She was untreated for major codependency issues. Everything was about her being in a relationship. That was paraphrased from my therapist to me. Oh one last thing get a parenting plan in place immediately .. you should know most states you can look it up .. will not allow a child that young to be exposed to the ex's Sig other if they have a record. It has to be a felony. My kids are older and they know they have a voice .. it is their right to call visitation done and I'm getting that in writing. When they are done .. it is done. For me I avoided going into the issue of alcohol because he's not an alcoholic (never mind 3 dui's, arrest for public drunkenness, getting a bad conduct discharge and being kicked out of the military). So I pick my wording and my battles. I've thrown out a lot of information .. the what you like or nothing at all .. I've paid a lot of money for this information and I've been able to learn a lot from it. It really will get better .. I'm very sorry for your pain and I understand it. Hugs.

My ex done this too, the deflecting of responsibility for their own consequences. Thats part of the disease and one reason why he drank, he couldnt own up to his mistakes or shortcomings, he looked for someone else to blame, always. I done this too if Im honest, I blamed him for everything. Is your wife back in the home with you?

Your AW wants it her way....come and go as she pleases. I would detach and not even acknowledge her coming and goings. I had to stop answering my phone because I just didn't want to hear anything my A was doing. I was better off for it.

(((( hugs ))))

You can also come and go as you please with your daughter right now. Parks, libraries, maybe a night in a motel with a pool, a visit with friends you haven't seen in awhile? By keeping the focus on ourselves, making a healthy plan for our day and following through on it (checking our own inventory to make sure of our motives - to get even or to show the other person how much they're hurting us by their behavior backfires) can help us practice self-care that can lift our spirits and help us stay out of the other person's business, too. We are powerless over the other's comings and goings if we truly can't or reasonably erect a boundary that doesn't allow a person to live in the same place as us, but we are not helpless when it comes to how we think and what we do to nurture, inspire and enjoy ourselves and our young children.

Thanks for the replies everyone