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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> crumbs
Post Info TOPIC: crumbs
imom


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The other day, I was watching a morning talk show and a life coach was on discussing goals in the new year. She suggested leaving the crumbs behind so you can eat the cake.  I really like this suggestion.  I have been obsessed with the crap my AH has put us through.  He is in recovery and doing well, and when I bring up the past, he apologizes and nicely asks me to quit bringing it up to him.  He reminds me of his shame and sorrow and reminds me of his hard-earned successes in recovery.

Up until now, I had a really hard time thinking he deserved his request.  I always felt I will let it go when I am good and ready after all he has done to us!  The idea of leaving behind the crumbs really opened my eyes to the fact that I will not be able to be truly happy if I am constantly harping on the bad parts of the past.  I need to realize that the past happened, but it's over now.  Yes, it has changed all of our lives tremendously, but I am going to concentrate on the ways it has changed us for the good...my kids and I have a lot more empathy and understanding of those around us.  We are more appreciative of the little things in life...we understand the true meaning of family. 

I am going to work very hard at leaving the crumbs behind so I can get to the cake...I LOVE CAKE!  As a matter of fact, we made cupcakes for the new year today.  We started some new traditions for our little family for the new year, and we didn't once today bring up the past.  It's a good start, I think.

I hope you all can enjoy some cake too!  Happy New Year!



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grateful2be


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Happy New Year to you, too, imom. I'm happy to found a way to enjoy the present day with your family - and got to eat your cake, too! Thank you for the share.

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neshema2


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Dear IMom

I can relate....ya want to rub salt in their wounds over what they did to ya.....i can relate

BUT, that keeps me stuck.....if what they did was so bad, non negotiable, not a future amend type thing, then I walk away

however..IF i stay...that means that yes, changes have to be made on BOTH parties, but to keep throwing up the past when one is trying to work a program, make amends, take responsibility, however slow that is, then i need to zip my lips...let them do their amend....put them on probation for a while so i can see that their actions match their words, but try to keep in it present...

yea, its "OK" to go over the past and how it impacted me, but to re-hash and to re-bash only fosters resentment and not moving forward

 

JUST saying....take what u can use and leave the rest....



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wornoutmrsfixit


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I am trying to walk that fine line of trying to let resentments go as the. AH is making positive changes. I do well sometimes but fail miserably at others. Thanks for your post. :)

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Breakingfree


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Great share! Sending you love and support!

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bud


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Great topic- thank you for posting. Good work of programs for both of you- his response to you and your recognition of CAKE!



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KennyFenderjazz


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Thanks imom! I first realized I needed Alanon when my wife was in inpatient treatment and making great progress, but I wanted to beat her over the head for losing her license, endangering family, etc. She really hates being an alcoholic, and shame is very bad for her, so I have had to find other venues to vent. F2F and here.

It's good to hear someone else with the same issue.

 

I think I will enjoy some cake this year and leave those crumbs behind!

Hugs
Kenny



-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Wednesday 1st of January 2014 10:36:05 PM

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Debilyn


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A very worthwhile share and reminder! love,debilyn



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hotrod


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imom

Great way to set ourselves free

Thanks  



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milkwood


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Thank you for the reminder as well. We can easily forget that what we do with our 'non-action' is important and loving. It is not easy for us, and others, to see and recognise the effort but the effort is sometimes huge nonetheless.
Cake (and baking) is a lovely pat on the back!

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