The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My HP saw fit to involve me in a little Christmas miracle, and I wanted to share it with you.
I work in retail, and for the last two months have been working overnights. Christmas Eve morning, my team and I had worked a very long shift and still had a few hours to go. So, we decided to take a break to leave and go get breakfast. The four of us climbed into one car. I didn't drive.
We went down the street to McD's. When I got inside, I noticed a face that was very familiar. It took me a moment, but I realized that he was my 2nd cousin. He is 18. He looked very tired, and was resting his head on a table.
I went over to him, and said hello. It took him a moment to recognize me. (I hadn't seen him in about 2 years, and honestly, I look kinda diff't now that I'm in recovery and dress for ME.) I started with the usual How are you, and he said "Honestly, I'm pretty terrible." It just went on from there. I found out he was living on the streets with no where to go.
I knew in that moment that I was being given an opportunity to "practice these principals in all my affairs." My program was about to get some real practice.
He wasn't very forthcoming. His side of the family is a bit fractured from mine, and the last I knew...they were having problems with him skipping school, using pot, shoplifting, sneaking out etc.
I know his story. I won't share the whole thing here. But, it is HORRENDOUS. I've known him since he was two, and I have just watched him get angrier and angrier and angrier and more and more withdrawn. He has been REALLY abused. He has one of those stories that make you look down at your toes when shared at a meeting because you feel a bit like a jerk b/c you've had it easy compared to that person. Ya know? That bad. Of course. Of course he has been doing what he has been doing. Of course. Bless him. Even before my program, I could see what was happening clear as day.
I have children. I knew there was no. way. I could bring him into my home. I also knew that our HP's were up to something. Because, goodness. In a city of 700,000 people, we end up at the same McD's at the same time on Christmas eve. He bumps into the only member of our entirely dysfunctional family that is in a 12 Step Program. Hello!? If it had been any clearer, I could've looked over and physically waved to my HP.
Even though my heart was racing, my program kicked in. Do not get in God's way, it said. Do not take him home or anywhere else. Trust that his HP is taking care of him and teaching you something in the process. Do what you can without hurting yourself. Do not hurt yourself to help him. You are both right where you need to be. Do you see that I know that you're codepedent, and so I made this happen without you having your vehicle? You aren't supposed to take him anywhere. Don't fix. Just love. You are not in control. I am.
He was waiting for the breakfast menu to switch to lunch. He had random nickles and pennies in his hand to buy a burger. I offered him a meal. He declined. And I said, You are my family, and I would like to buy you a meal for Christmas. He said he would be stupid to turn that down. He really wanted not breakfast though, so I went to the counter and bought a gift card.
I gave it to him, and then gave him a hug. He sunk into it like a little child. He was so tired. I could see it. He looked older than me in his eyes. I held him and told him in his ear that things could get better. Things can turn around. I very nervously shared with him that I go to 12 step programs, and his eyes got very wide. I told him that I don't have a substance abuse issues, but I have been hurt by it. I told him I knew people that do have those issues that go to 12 Step Programs, and they have turned it around. I told him he could always come by and say hello to me at work.
Then I left him there.
It was SOOOOOOOOOO hard. My heart broke. It was really difficult. I questioned myself a lot. Ugh...it burned. After work, I got in my car and cried for my family and how broken we all are. And for him. And for me. I got online and asked my CODA home group to pray for my cousin. I really struggled. Did I do enough? Did I do too much? Did I do it right? Should I find him, and find him a homeless shelter? Ugh ugh ugh! I finally had to let go and trust. I had no choice really.
Then last night, my mom calls. On Christmas Day, he showed up at his dad's house. Apparently, he had run away from home, and they didn't know where he was. He. went. home. He asked for help, and wants to go to school.
THAT was God's plan.
I felt that "See, you did just fine, Sweetie. HP knows. HP knows." in my heart.
It felt really great.
Is he all better? Eh. Is he lying and manipulating? Maybe.
But he is not living on the street. And that's forward. And someone said the words 12 Step Program in his ear in a moment when he felt vulnerable and way down on his luck. Maybe that will float up someday. I hope and pray.
Thanks for listening. It works if you work it. Thank you for all that you have taught me. Love you. Happy New Year!
You are an angel. We receive grace, we give grace, we receive more and we give more. The 12 steps are 12 of God's graces; you received and gifted them wholeheartedly. What a sweet sweet story and thank you for blessing me with it this morning.
Thank you for helping get this share to this side of the board, Tasha. You're the best. :)
I keep going back to something I heard PinkChip say over in the AA board once. I'll paraphrase...where there are bars there is AA. I read here of not knowing where loved ones are. I've been there with my brother years ago. It sucks. But, HP is everywhere. Where there are bars there is AA. Where there is AA there is Al Anon. Each of us are out there...we're spread all around. HP may not use US for our family member, but he may just use one of our 12 Step Brothers and Sisters. There is hope. HP is all kinds of bomb diggity.
And I know it was HP working. My confusion and anxiety shows me that. There is no way that I ME ME could have left an 18 year old Family Member on the street on Christmas Eve. CDK could NOT have done that. HP. HP. HP.
Beautiful story. This is how it works if you work it. I'll be pray king for him. There is always hope and you showed us all just that.
Thank you for sharing this.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
The entry line to the prayer reads, "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace" (its the prayer on the back of the Just For Today pamphlete) and when I first read it I wanted not to because I was afraid to reach out to help just one more time considering what had happened to my life from the times before. I cried..."I don't want to do this"...and then I did something different like you before I said it...I trusted God rather than to trust that it was only about me also. Mahalo Tasha...that's example to and for me. ((((hugs))))
