The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The holidays mean a busier work schedule, as well as having family & friends over. What has happened is that I haven't been even to my online meetings, let alone face to face. Well, I tried tonight to go to a face to face, but there was no one there. I haven't been to it before, so not sure if it still meets. Anyway...my AH has been on the roller coaster of trying to stay sober. he made it just over 60 days the last time, after some 30 days and one 60 days before. I told him this was my last one. We will be at 60 days again next Friday. We also have a 9 year old, which is part of my sticking with him for so many of the ups and downs. I'm not sure where my emotions are with him. I think I'm holding a back so much due to the relapsing. We are going to go up to the mountains with friends over New Years. We've done so for the last 3 years. They don't drink, which is good. We are supposed to leave tomorrow. Right now I am sitting in the ER, where we've been for the last 3 hours, waiting because he hurt his back lifting weights at the gym. Part of his recovery includes working out with a group of guys and a "mentor" from his program. I am so angry and resentful of him right now. I know he did not do this on purpose. I know he hurts. But I don't want to take care of him. I made him come down to the ER because I just don't have it in me to try to care for him without some meds/support. I am a nurse. I feel like I should care and have compassion. I am having such a hard time digging that up.does it mean that I just don't care anymore? I have been working like a dog, and so looking forward to this vacation. I just can't take much more of him and his problems. And I feel like a creep.
we have all been there w the emotions you describe. It makes me think of that phrase 'it is too much for most people to live with an alcoholic. Good to get to a meeting; check that-- great to get to a meeting and be surrounded by people who have lived or are living w what you are. His periods of sobriety are his but its true you get to decide what your life will be. Take care of yourself, read, online meetings, face to face meetings and the invaluable support here. Wishing lots of strength to you.
