The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was unable to get to my face to face meeting because whatever my daughter had on Christmas Eve I has by Christmas night and I was still running a fever come Thursday. That was not the gift I wanted to give my new friends lol!
I was going to ask about finding a sponsor. I dug out the phone list was going to send an e-mail in lieu of a call because my voice was gone, to the lady who seems to run the show over there and let her know why I didn't show and that I have been thinking about finding a sponsor. Well there were 2 names on the list that both had that same first name and I didn't know which was who so Instead I remembered another lady's name and emailed her explaining I'm ill and I was going to email so and so and wanted to know about sponsors. She responded with the ones phone number . I responded back thank you and asked her if she sponsors because I do really like her a lot, she's such a sweet lady. She hasn't messaged back and I feel like I just asked asked a boy out on a first date or something. Dumb and scared lol! I really didn't want to ask the other lady to be my sponsor just what I need to be doing next to keep this process and program moving and I figured she was the one to ask because she seems in charge. I feel like she looks at me rudely and when I brought up that codependent no more book I felt like she thought I wasn't legit or something. I'm sure that's another thing I need to get over on my recovery, people's opinions. She's probably perfect for me in this case and I should be honest huh?
Can anyone here share any insight on what I should be doing? I know its not the al anon program to advise so maybe what has everyone else done? How long did you go before you found a sponsor? I also wondered if a sponsor "pushes" you toward making sure you work through the steps thoroughly? What exactly is a Sponsors position in my recovery? You know in meetings how everyone says keep coming back it works if you work it, what does if you work it work it?
I have step 1 down. I'm struggling with fully letting go for step 2. I'm willing to work the rest if my life to get through this though. I've been doing lots of soul searching and thinking of the life I have lived and I'm started to realize some things here and there and I'm feeling good about things in my future still. I've listened to a ton of al anon stories and even ala teen and still have that hope. I am glad there is this program available and I'm sad it took so long for me to find out about it. I love love love feeling peace of mind that I am going to be ok!
I went several years without a sponsor in Al-Anon although I did have mentors outside the program who helped me make changes I needed to make for me. Later, I watched folks in meetings and asked a gal to sponsor me who told me "No, I'm too selfish to sponsor anybody." I was grateful for her honesty - especially when it became apparent that she was drinking a few years later. Since I had asked my HP to help me choose someone right for me as my sponsor, I felt a nudge towards a gal in the program that I NEVER would have chosen on my own. She was my sponsor for years and the perfect sponsor for me until I knew I needed to change sponsors and asked another gal with years of program experience and sponsorship experience if she would be willing to be my sponsor now. She, too, is perfect for me and again the choice came from little nudges towards her.
I can't speak for the gal you asked, but I do think a good sponsor checks in with her HP and herself before responding to someone's request. I also believe based on my own experience that if we ask our HP for guidance, we'll receive it. Our C2C reader has a lot of readings about sponsorship and the WSO of Al-Anon has information available about sponsorship at their website, too.
My first sponsor didn't work formally on the steps with me. My second sponsor does. I trust that both sponsors and styles had gifts I needed to receive and assistance and support I needed to heed and digest.
I think you've made a wise choice for yourself in deciding and following through on finding a sponsor. Keep us posted.
I Can Say For Me! When I 1st Got here I was Alot Like you, Very unsure, Very Insecure of my Feeling & what others thought of me... Cause that is How I was Raised in my Alcoholic Home, Always Trying to Please the OTHER person, and Not Myself :/ Sponsorship did not come Easy for me, because I Also didn't know how to "Ask" for Help... Their was a Gal at my 1st Meeting, and she had Many yrs experience of Recovery under her belt, and I Knew if I was going to ask someone it would be her! It Took me a Year, with all my Insercurity's to finally find the Nerve to ask! But when i did she Said Yes! Even tho I didn't understand the Process, She did things that just wasn't what I needed Right out of the Gate... So I Ended up with a Back up! lol
For Me, I was So Raw when I got here, I have Addiction on Every corner of my Family tree, and I'm very close with my Alcoholics/Addicts... I Needed someone that could pick up the phone "During" my Panic attach, Not 9pm at night when my 1st one got off work! So that is Why I Brought in a 2nd, My 1st Sponser and I Are still very close, and she knows she is a Huge Part of My Recovery, but the Hours she works, Plus she don't have a Computer... So No Emails, for the longest time she didn't even have a Cell phone to text or Call, so She was Very Unavailable, so that it why I Had to find help somewhere else as well!
I have Noticed that ALL Sponsers are differant in how that Help us, and Guide us! We have to be strong enough to say, "This isn't working Out" or "What do you expect from Me!" , and even for me, I Enjoy Journaling, so I would Journal and then Share it with my Sponser so she could see where I was in my Mind, because sometimes at the drop of a hat, my words didn't always come out right!
When you Find your Fit, You will know! And Yes, if you don't feel that Connection, its ok to keep looking... But know even if the 1st one isn't ready to Sponser, Don't Give up! its OK, and Its NOT YOU! Just know that HP Will Give you the One that Best Fits & Will help you Grow... and Sometimes that "One" Will Surprize ya :) Your Doing Great, Just Keep Moving Forward, and Regardless of what Books Help you! Read them All! Because I Can Benifit from Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-Anon, and AA because I am ALL 3... And I Also Read about Codependance, because that is apart of me as well...
Please Take what you like & Leave the Rest! Very Grateful you are here! and MIP Will Def. Help Guide you & Keep you and will be a Saving Grace All of Its Own! I just Hit 5yrs with this Board, and I Couldn't have done it with out ALL of them :)
GOOD LUCK, & YES.... KEEP COMING BACK....
Prayers & Recovery
There is a Booklet entitled "Sponsorship What's it all about " It is very helpful in deciding who should you choose
Today's reading in the C2C speaks to the topic . The page first talks about our fear of intimacy and inability to trust others as a result of living with the disease of alcoholism. By asking someone to sponsor you, you expressed a willingness to experience more intimate relationships.
When this person is there for you, retuning your calls, offering support, caring, we develop a basis of trust. Because this relationship shows me that people can be trusted I am better able to reach out to others.
My sponsor helps me be ready to receive love "The interchange between sponsor and sponsored is a form of communication that will nourishes you both
Lois W., the founder of AlAnon said in one of her speeches that a sponsor is a "trusted friend". Find someone that you can use that you trust to be honest with and find it easy to talk to. You can also use the whole group at times or use your meetings to talk to individuals who you feel are understanding of your situation.
I was lucky and found my sponsor pretty quickly after joining al-anon 3 years ago. In my 2 weekly meetings she seemed to be the most experienced and was the old wise one out of the group and sometimes the only other female. She was solid and very direct, funny and been through it and came out knowledgeable and wanted to share it with others, but not too pushy, not running ragged and seemed like she knew what she was talking about, there was one other lady I considered asking, but she just didn't seem as grounded and did not always make it to the meetings regularly. There is a lot to consider for both sides, so don't be worried, she may need time to think about your question to her. My sponsor helped me go through a step work book with her and it was so helpful for me to have some one else to be vulnerable to and trust to keep me accountable and growing. I can and have said everything to my sponsor that I used to hide in shame and she helped me see my way through it. I have also gone to counseling on and off which has helped me grow through some of my childhood. Take your time and listen to different people at meetings and someone may present themselves as just the one then ask and see if they have the time and energy. I am glad you are serious about working your program. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Finding a sponsor for me was growth stuff...new stuff and I like your anology of asking a boy out for a first date...cause there were so many unknowns and inexperiences and wierd expectations. Getting a sponsor is a process of recovery. If you like what they have and want that also ask with out expectations of the response...If you get a no, keep going until you get a yes and then get quiet and humble (humble is being teachable) I'm lucky that I had no personality problems with my sponsorship...I took the attitude that "they knew and knew that they knew" and I was "dumb as a stick when it came to anything about alcoholism and me. I couldn't even spell or pronounce it...yet I was born into it. Remember that all things are changable...if it doesn't work out...get another. I've had more than a handful...not because they didn't work out just because I needed more experience and understanding to stay on top of this life threatening disease...guess it worked for me. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
Great questions , I found a sponsor only because she volunteered . if she hadn't I am sure I would never have asked being used to handling things on my own I didn't think I needed anyone else , wrong , wrong ,wrong. Take your time find someone who has what you want for me that was someone working the steps , still in a marriage ( I was not ready to leave ) and laughed a lot mainly at herself . If my sponsor went to 4 meetings a week so did I. Don't take the person you asked about sponsoring not calling you back personally , she may be busy and hasn't checked her emails . If she says NO she may feel she isn't able to help you at this time occasionally even us old timers find our selves with nothing to give . You will find the right one just keep looking and listening she's out there waiting . Sponsorship makes our journey thru recovery much easier as they are guides who have been there before and walked thru showing us there is always hope . Louise
Great question and great responses. I'm looking myself and I think the waiting has been good. It has helped me pay more attention to my part, in some ways, as I can't just whine to someone else about things but I have to take a breath. So instead of just reacting, I am looking at myself and my actions. That's been better than I expected. Now I'm looking forward to working the steps & getting guidance from a sponsor. For now, the meetings and the message boards are awesome!
being used to handling things on my own I didn't think I needed anyone else , wrong , wrong ,wrong. Take your time find someone who has what you want for me that was someone working the steps , still in a marriage ( I was not ready to leave ) and laughed a lot mainly at herself . If my sponsor went to 4 meetings a week so did I. Don't take the person you asked about sponsoring not calling you back personally , she may be busy and hasn't checked her emails . If she says NO she may feel she isn't able to help you at this time occasionally even us old timers find our selves with nothing to give . You will find the right one just keep looking and listening she's out there waiting . Sponsorship makes our journey thru recovery much easier as they are guides who have been there before and walked thru showing us there is always hope . Louise