The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
well it 300am. i last saw my ah at 800am whn he left for work. sure he called a few times. . the last whn our daughter called him at 9pm to see if he was coming home. nope. . was at a buddies. spoke to me and said i wont be late lets plan to leave (for a trip i encouraged) by 930. yup. that should work well. he just dragedd his alcohol and cigarette filled body into the house at 300. i worked all day dealing with arrangements for this trip. he did work stuff and then partied all night. and to make matters worse. . .we have a neighbor friend who is an alciholic, without work who has become my ah's right and man shall we say. she, yes i said she, works with him, takes care of our dog. our kids are friends and yup she drinks too. . and was out until just now when my husb dropped her off. i confronted him. . "its not personal. she is more like a sister to me. she needs work and shes willing to help". he then fell ssleep. NOT ME!!!i wanted to say "ok well then let me find a MAN to help me out once in awhile. . like a brother and see how that feels". . of course he was asleep. .and i wont.. . im so so worn out. i know some of you are thinking'' walk, run, affair, get out''. thing is. . i dont think they r having an affair except to say they are two alcoholic souls with no family. . well, sure, she has a daughter still at home and he has us. . but apparently alcohol is more alluring. SHE left her sick child who is twelve home ALL day and nite. . makes me so angry. her daughter is a dear friend to my daughter. i wouldve brought her to my home but i was snowed in. . still am at three in the morning in fact. im just angry, disappointed. overtired, stressed out and trying to make the best of it for my dear child who only wants mommy and daddy to be mommy and daddy. . together. and lucky me. . instead of sleeping in the car i wil probably get stuck driving. . yea, more stress. sorry just so sick of the merry go round. . i know, i could get off. . .yet i dont. thanks for listening.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
(((THEOCEANCALLS))))) Keep the focus on you and your daughter. If he was out drinking all night it would be better if you drive anyway. Concentrate on you, not him. Take your meditation books with you and when you reach your breaking point...reach for your book. It calms me every time. Hope your trip goes well and I wish you peace.
None of us are thinking you should----get out, run, have an affair, etc. Many of us are thinking--oh yes, I have been in that situation. When I read your post I relived many many family trips whenAH was hungover enough that I was the driver; I can so relate to your post. You are not alone.
Take care of yourself and your daughter. Hard as it is, keep focus on you.....lots of strength and support coming to you.
(((TOC))) Your signature says so much - "When all else fails...there is faith, hope and prayer." And I want to add: And there are people who understand the dilemma because they've been there and moved through it. I can remember feeling those feelings when my x was gone and I was home keeping watch over our children who deserved more than they were receiving from a sick Dad. I couldn't get off the merry-go-round either back then. Faith, hope and prayer helped me make changes but not before I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and scared and victimized and disrespected and then sure there had to be a better way and a better life for me and for our children. Keep coming back, TOC. We understand.
I hope that you and your daughter can still enjoy your trip - I imagine you will want to gift yourself a bit of a rest when you get to the destination. ((((hugs)))))
Ouch!! What is it with alcoholics and 'sisters'??!!! My turning point was when I took alcohol out of the equation and decided that I did not need to tolerate behaviour that I would not tolerate in a sober person. This little shift completely changed my thinking and, slowly slowly, it changed some of AH's behaviour as well. AH's 'sister' was the first to go!
Life is calmer now but I still struggle to rebuild my self esteem and self worth after having accepted such bad treatment. I factored in lots of things over the years but I did not realise how much I was changing - hurting people hurt people and I'm afraid that I was beginning to want to hurt some people. That was a surprise to say the least!
Faith, Hope and Prayer are essential always and when partnered with the right action, POWERFUL. For me, regular al anon meetings and ongoing, consistent contact with my sponsor had to be in my schedule, no matter what.
No one in al anon will tell you what to do you will find your own answeres.
I had no boundaries with my ABf and when I set one I would not stick to it. But thanks to al anon I have boundaies today, I know what behaviour I will and will not Accept.
I speak my truth and then hand the outcome over to HP.
I used to ask my ABf to leave it was all about control manipulation getting my own way. I do not do that anymore. I live with sobriety today but I still have to practice putting boundaries in place with my A and all other people in my life. In the past I was a people pleaser, martyer, I put up with a lot of unaaceptable behaviours. When i was doing my steps I needed tro make amends to myself for how I had neglected my self care one of the ways I have done this is by setting healthy boundaries with others.
My only suggestion would be to maybe read your literature around boundaries, yes they are ill but even when we accept this it is our responsibility to protect ourselves.
My turning point was when I took alcohol out of the equation and decided that I did not need to tolerate behaviour that I would not tolerate in a sober person. This little shift completely changed my thinking and, slowly slowly, it changed some of AH's behaviour as well. AH's 'sister' was the first to go! 