Again!! I was manipulated !! - Al-Anon Family Group

Gaby · Senior Member

Again!! I was manipulated !!

oldergal · Senior Member

Gaby with each post you write I can see you ARE doing better, much better than the first time, your getting it. They play on our heartstrings, and it is so easy to fall into their manipulation. ....og

Read the following letter over and over and over again until it sinks in believe it every word is true.

Open Letter from the Alcoholic/Addict

I am an alcoholic. I need your help.

Don't lecture, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry with me for having cancer or diabetes. Alcoholism is a disease, too.

Don't pour out my liquor; it's just a waste because I can always find ways of getting more.

Don't let me provoke your anger. If you attack me verbally or physically, you will only confirm my bad opinion about myself. I hate myself enough already.

Don't let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to do for myself. If you assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent. My sense of guilt will be increased, and you will feel resentful.

Don't accept my promises. I'll promise anything to get off the hook. But the nature of my illness prevents me from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time.

Don't make empty threats. Once you have made a decision, stick to it.

Don't believe everything I tell you; it may be a lie. Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness. Moreover, I'm likely to lose respect for those I can fool too easily.

Don't let me take advantage of you or exploit you in any way. Love cannot exist for long without the dimension of justice.

Don't cover up for me or try in any way to spare me the consequences of my drinking. Don't lie for me, pay my bills, or meet my obligations. It may avert or reduce the very crisis that would prompt me to seek help. I can continue to deny that I have a drinking problem as long as you provide an automatic escape for the consequences of my drinking.

Above all, do learn all you can about alcoholism and your role in relation to me. Go to open AA meetings when you can. Attend Al-Anon meetings regularly, read the literature and keep in touch with Al-Anon members. They're the people who can help you see the whole situation clearly.

I love you.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree, you are doing better, and, what we have been telling you your son said to you....this was your HP speaking through him. You will be fine. Help to make this a joyful day for your daughter.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

The disease is progressive. He will lie and manipulate and become very practiced at this unless he stops drinking and works a hard program where he becomes honest with himself and others. Your choice is to become part of his lies and manipulations or not (working our own program provides the skills to know how not to participate) - and I'm glad you have an awareness. Progress. Please be gentle with yourself.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Merry Chistmas Gaby....

God has given you your son that is close to you but still on his own path. Let him live it and see what happens.

Let go Let God

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Please, I am sad you feel that way, however I want you to think about this.

You are a mom, you were so afraid your son was lost and alone in another state. OF COURSE you wanted to see him. I know for me, when I say I am a fool. Its more I am afraid I have been fooled. Who's fault is that? I would say it is the person/disease doing so!

We do not think like addicts do. they do not think like we do.

Hey you got to see him, you know he is ok and sounds like he is out there out of his choosing.

As far as you letting him go...um who called who? You may be too sick and hurten to see that. lol He called you, meets with you, you take him somewhere and YOU need to let go....hmmmm something is backwards here don'tcha think?

hugz. Now he is back home. He is very ok, has invited you to allow him to do whatever he is going to. I know that sometimes a good tool is to think about and even write things down you will do or say when he does call, believe me he will.

Also keeping a journal is sooo good. You can get those cool book like ones for around a buck at walmart. It helps to go back and see how things felt when you wrote them. Ideas you have, wonderful wisdoms you get from mip! (c:

YOU are doing great. I don't see him moving in and your taking him out to buy cloths etc.

Progression is sometimes hard for the person to see. I do see your growing in your program. So lady, what are you doing for you today???? maybe when you start thinking of him, put that behind your and put your picture there. She was given a go ahead to let go.

What are you going to do??? love,debilyn

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

From what I read here, he didn't even attempt to come back to your home. Seems he has learned he can't use and live there. That alone sounds like a huge lesson learned. Good work! Keep on going one step at a time one day at a time. I truly believe with every thing we do right for us it helps us and impacts them in a positive way too. He knows where to turn for help and those seeds of sobriety are being planted and will take root one day and if not, you did the best for you, him and your family.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
I agree, you are doing better, and, what we have been telling you your son said to you....this was your HP speaking through him. You will be fine. Help to make this a joyful day for your daughter.

Yes, I agree....I see a bit of "acceptance" coming from you....What would really be cool is when you tell us you are working the steps and slogans with a good sponsor and doing self love work on you for you......meetings are critical...and JUST as critical is doing the steps/slogans and practicing them with a good sponsor who will keep ya going.....My sponsor tells it like it is.....she lets me know, right off, when i am headed down the coda rabbit hole.....w/out her my progress would be nil or very very slow......

my post on "I THINK it is sinking in" illustrates the absolute need for #1 a good sponsor and the steps/slogans.........#2, a supportive community with good recovery mates working with me..............I am weak, but in my weakness i am strong bc when I am weak, i am open to surrender to my HP and LOVE and to my program and the community..........I can't say anymore than this......the ball has been tossed in your court....You will either pick it up and run with it or you won't......its your choice......sending you good energy so you pick up that ball

Mimi3 · Senior Member

Gaby~

Have you read the Open Letter From the Alcoholic that I have posted on here for you a few times?

It certainly makes sense and is worth the read and you are worth it!

Merry Christmas

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.