Need ESH ... - Al-Anon Family Group

Gaby · Senior Member

Need ESH ...

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Have him call his insurance and find another rehab. You are not in any boat Gaby. Try to stop meshing his problem to yours. This is HIS problem. How are you stuck in any boat other than needing to work your Alanon program and detach? His actions DO NOT determine what "boat" you are in. And when you think that way you are gonna sink on that boat of his every time he struggles. PLUS you will throw your daughter and husband in it too. Stay in your own boat and learn to keep it afloat. Grab onto Alanon and stop drowning. He will need to live in his boat and figure out how to keep it afloat and steer it on his own. If you jump in it or allow him to jump in yours, you will both sink.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

pinkchip wrote:
Have him call his insurance and find another rehab. You are not in any boat Gaby. Try to stop meshing his problem to yours. This is HIS problem. How are you stuck in any boat other than needing to work your Alanon program and detach? His actions DO NOT determine what "boat" you are in. And when you think that way you are gonna sink on that boat of his every time he struggles. PLUS you will throw your daughter and husband in it too. Stay in your own boat and learn to keep it afloat. Grab onto Alanon and stop drowning. He will need to live in his boat and figure out how to keep it afloat and steer it on his own. If you jump in it or allow him to jump in yours, you will both sink.

OMG....Gaby, I can't add anything to this SPOT on share of Mark's....PLEASE re-read what he has said and TAKE ACTION......for YOU....Its time to get off this merry go round and live life for YOU.....you know how to do it....I have seen the fantastic ES&H you have received from these fellow alanoners.....now its time to ACT, OR stay in the Titanic and go down......I URGE you to get a sponsor to guide you in your program and the steps....

Rose50 · Senior Member

Gaby -

Let him face the music. There isn't anything you can do to help. He needs to find his own way.

You are not alone...((hugs))

oldergal · Senior Member

If you talk to him again Gaby, encourage him to find his way back to a sober house, NOT your house. Be gentle and kind and tell him you love him, and tell him he CAN get sober and start all over again, its not going to be easy, but he can do it on his own without you. Its so hard to know if he is serious about sobriety and will he follow through, it is hard to tell. What I would do is figure out the names and #'s for sober facilities in the state that he is in and if he calls give him the info. There are temporary shelters such as Salvation Army etc. especially at Christmas time. My prayers are with you. og....

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Can't add anything but prayers. He has made his choices. He isn't alone. His HP is with him and will guide him.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

It does not matter what anyone else would have done. You were very strong! It's much harder on us to know we must allow them to find their own way. It totally has to be on their own, as we know they can only get well alone.

It's like if you wanted to change your eating habits, no one else can help you accomplish that. There are things, that we as humans are totally responsible to get for ourselves.

Such a hard thing for parents. Look he got himself into a hospital. Now he has to find a rehab or somewhere to get help. The door of AA are right there and he can find someone there to help. It's up to him.

Also remember they manipulate and sometimes will use ever tactic they can to get us hooked. Who knows if he did go to a hospital, but you see he does know what to do if he gets that bad!

I am sooo proud of you. I know it hurts. I could not find my son who was out in the nowheres for days. He just texted me mon. eve. I thought of all of you with kids out there. and my kid is 37!

He will respect you so much more when you stay strong. He knows he can depend on you now to stand your ground and be strong. It will make him feel better, and will meditate on how you won't allow his disease to hurt you anymore. maybe he will get it that he can be strong enough to not let it too! hugs,debilyn

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I can't really add anything more here. Just remember if he found a hospital because he was suicidal he doesn't want to die. I will pray for him and you that he will have God's hand helping him make the right choices now.

((( hugs))))

Mimi3 · Senior Member

Gaby~

Live & Let Live, you have the right to a good life and his HP will see him through this:) We believe, I posted this the other day but not sure if you see it, so here it is again:) Merry Christmas Gaby!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Open Letter from the Alcoholic

The chairperson at a meeting I attended recently, who is also a member of AA, shared on this "Open Letter to the Alcoholic," which I've always thought was very powerful. I hadn't read it for a while, so it was a good reminder to me. The letter appears in the Al-Anon pamphlet "Three Views of Alcoholism." If you're not familiar with it, I've included it here:

Open Letter from the Alcoholic

I am an alcoholic. I need your help.

Don't lecture, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry with me for having cancer or diabetes. Alcoholism is a disease, too.

Don't pour out my liquor; it's just a waste because I can always find ways of getting more.

Don't let me provoke your anger. If you attack me verbally or physically, you will only confirm my bad opinion abut myself. I hate myself enough already.

Don't let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to do for myself. If you assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent. My sense of guilt will be increased, and you will feel resentful.

Don't accept my promises. I'll promise anything to get off the hook. But the nature of my illness prevents me from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time.

Don't make empty threats. Once you have made a decision, stick to it.

Don't believe everything I tell you; it may be a lie. Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness. Moreover, I'm likely to lose respect for those I can fool too easily.

Don't let me take advantage of you or exploit you in any way. Love cannot exist for long without the dimension of justice.

Don't cover up for me or try in any way to spare me the consequences of my drinking. Don't lie for me, pay my bills, or meet my obligations. It may avert or reduce the very crisis that would prompt me to seek help. I can continue to deny that I have a drinking problem as long as you provide an automatic escape for the consequences of my drinking.

Above all, do learn all you can about alcoholism and your role in relation to me. Go to open AA meetings when you can. Attend Al-Anon meetings regularly, read the literature and keep in touch with Al-Anon members. They're the people who can help you see the whole situation clearly.

I love you.

Your Alcoholic

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

I was sober in AA 7 years when I hit a wall. It wasn't enough just to be sober. I was wishing for the end and was at what the AA Big Book calls the "jumping off point" where we can no longer imagine life with alcohol - or without it. It was the worst depression I ever encountered and it went on for two yeaRs. Finally I went to a psych hospital seeking a solution there.

A psych hospital is an ok place if you're feeling unsafe but they don't have a solution for alcoholics. They can only be the front lines.

When I left the psych hospital I crawled back to AA because I had nowhere else to go and something insidex me still believed my solution was there.

this is when I REALLY started to seek. This is when I became really willing and entirely ready to do anything I had to to feel better.

my ears and mind and heart were now just a little more open than before. Gone were the sober dances and the early recovery stuff...I was trying to save my life. I started hearing things in meetings from certain people I hadn't been able to hear before and I began to ask these people what they were doing in rheir program. This is when the REAL solution was brought to me.

i had to go through all kinds of pain, half-hearted suicide attemots on psych meds etc...and I NEEDED EVERY BIT OF MY PAIN.

My salvation was in my pain...allow him the right to his - and yes - you the right to trust God and pray for your son.

i wish you both the best

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Gaby))) You received great ES&H! Keep doing the next right thing for you and taking good care of yourself. Sending prayers for you and your son.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Open Letter from the Alcoholic