The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think yesterday I talked about my AA Sponsor. It's good to have him but it's not enough. I really need to be working with a woman - and one in Alanon. More than anything else I'm Alanon qualified. Booze was a long-ago tossed out symptom of my Alanon issues.
for the last few weeks I've been reading 10th Steps to a woman in Alanon and this morning I read a Fear to her. It was a Fear of Setting Boundaries.
These are fears I have carried with me for four years, not exposing a few people in AA who have caused tremendous harm to my life, the guy from four years ago who assassinated my character with lies all over the state, and of course my parents.
she asked me: "What are you so afraid of?" I told her, "retaliation (especially physical from the guy - who did prison time), not being liked, getting flack, and being alone. She said, "aren't you experiencing anyway that you are all alone, getting flack, hated and gossiped about all the more?" and she said, "isn't it true you are killing the pain by smoking yourself to death? Isn't it true your health has failed badly and you've got chemical sensitivities from the trauma of abuse??"
i said, "Yes all those things are true. I'm depressed and dying."
she said, "Then I guess you need a friend who can help you set some boundaries and deal with the initial, maybe long-lasting flack and hatred you receive back. But at least you'll heal instead of dying."
i am afraid but know that fears have to be faced with action. If anyone has experience about this - especially public humiliation - please share.
-- Edited by WorkingThroughIt on Tuesday 24th of December 2013 01:20:17 PM
hi there a quick.post to say, i hear you. i am too afraid to face my fears. i know im dying inside and putting off the probable liklihood of eventually lvg my ah. . but im paralyzed and taking no action. i cant bear the fear of what happens in a court when it comes to our daughter. i cant bear giving up time to ah for her to be with him. i cant stomach the thought of the energy needed to take such action. so.im here. dreading more moments then i care to admitt. im sorry you feel so fearful, but i get it. . .at this point i pray for comfort.God Bless.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Quick response, too. When I am feeling humiliated I am feeling prideful and that is ego. I am wanting to project to others someone that I am not....I am pretending, I am living lies. I cannot be humiliated when I am feeling humble...I feel strong when I feel humble. And this is not an easy place for me to be or stay, I work hard to experience this. It seems that finding an al anon sponsor is a good plan...you will practice getting to your truth and being accepted despite what you believe to be your uglies.
Yes, I agree with the others that you need to get to AlAnon some more. You need someone as a friend that you can talk to and work this out. It is true that you are getting all the experiences that you are afraid of already. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time......
Yes, I have experienced humiliation - both personal and professional. Then, one day, when I realized that no one who truly loved me would ever humiliate me, I stopped blaming myself for that kind of behavior and changed my relationships. When folks I don't choose as friends pull that behavior with me now, I turn it around on them - not by humiliating them but holding them accountable in ways that make sense to me at the time. I am capable of standing up for myself. I am capable of enduring uncomfortable feelings. I am responsible for telling someone to "stop that" or to walk away from them with not even a last look in their direction. If family members behave that way, I do the same. There is no way my HP expects me to "hang out" with anyone with such low self esteem that they go for the jugular. I am also not allowed to return the favor.
