I'm Done... - Al-Anon Family Group

mm830 · Senior Member

I'm Done...

TillThen · Newbie

Please don't wait on him to make your decision to go or not, or rely on him to communicate for you. Maybe send her an e-Christmas card saying that you won't be able to make it this year, and that you'll miss the family. You don't really have to explain anything to her, and if he chooses to "explain" it badly, that's his choice. I'm sure they know his nature, whether they accept it or not.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

It's compassionate and empathetic on your part to care for her and the family and also for him...We know how to love. Do the best you can without it causing you too much more pain. In support ((((hugs)))) smile

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree. Putting something back on an active A usually results in their not doing much but blaming you for whatever blips might be on the road. I'd do what I was going to do or knew was caring to do before the upset. I hope you have made other plans for yourself for Christmas Day that you will enjoy with others who enjoy you.

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm in agreement with the others that you should not/can't ever expect your A to do the right thing, even with their own mother. I would text or send an email if possible or call if you have to, and give your regrets that you won't be able to be there and you do regret it but it has to be. No more explanations are necessary. If he shows up or not is on him.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I would do the loving thing and let her know how ever it is comfortable for you.

It's sad what you and A are going through. we are here for you! love, debilyn

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to concur with the ESH before me, decide what you prefer to do for your Christmas and put your energy into doing that. Letting an A control the outcome of anything for me, is not the way I live anymore. I know within myself what I want, like or prefer to do and will compromise to a point, but know the buck stops with me and I put myself first now. Sending you love and support!

mm830 · Senior Member

Ugh, so I made the mistake of asking A how it has been handled w his mom, he is ignoring me deliberately, I think I will just pray some more about it and accept the answer that HP gives and move forward from there. I accept that I am powerless here...HP please help me accept it and change me and please help me through the holidays.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

MM
I do understand I would call her and say "something has come up and you will be unable to attend. " They are aware that something is going on. You do not have to go into details If she askes about her son I would simply say I am not sure that she should talk to him and wish her a Happy Holiday.

JUST FOR TODAY I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
JUST FOR TODAY I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me

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