hey John, yea, for the most part I agree however i do have "realistic" expectations on SOME things..

Like I *expect* that if I turn something over, my HP will either allow it to disolve, solve it or show me what to do...

I *expect* to make progress not perfection....

I *expect" the folks who have proven themselves to me to be there for me most of the time, to be honest and open w/me and to be my good friends, etc...

I *expect"  life renews itself so if i am not happy now, things will change either within or my external problem will have been solved, disolved, otherwise taken care of

 

to have totally zero expectations of anything, I think would leave me bitter and hopeless and "whats the use" mentality

i think the operative word for me is *reasonable* vs  *unreasonable*  EXPECTATIONS........my expectations, I first examine them, modify them, or lower them or let them stay the same, depending on the realisticness of them and the patterns of the other if it is human, what is their track record in the past with me and if i cannot have any expectations on another person, i must an do re-eval the relationship and ask me  "ok, if i cannot expect ANYthing from this person, why am i wasting my time on them???"

 

JUST a few thoughts

AND, glad you showed up......i pinged you about my donation.....it should be ok, i mean does it matter which side we donate from?? us  board floaters???  shouldn't so i went ahead and used my pay pal.....cheers

-- Edited by neshema2 on Thursday 19th of December 2013 04:56:50 PM

Tasha wrote:

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I hope you will also post this to the other boards.

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 I agree w/Tasha.....can ya post this on the other sites???? I only come here part time and THIS is a message that ALL of us need to hear............

Thank you John- I needed to hear this especially today!

neshema2, all I can speak from is my personal experience.  When I turn something over to the CARE of God, I am placing it in His CARE.  Handing Him my mental list of "expectations" is not really putting it in His CARE at all.  "Here, take care of this, and this is what I would like to see you do with it" is an expectation.  It is not the product of faith, that He will do exactly what needs to be done with it without my almighty agenda being attached to it based in my expectations.  I don't need to have an expectation regarding what I turned over.  I need to have "faith".  I also have "faith" that if I stay focused and work this program, I stand a pretty good chance of making progress.  "Expecting" that progress indicates that I have an outline of what that progress will look like, feel like and when it will unfold.  "Faith" means, I let go of being responsible for results.  That's His job.  Expectations, indicates that I am still trying to outline and obtain the results I think are appropriate.  

Any expectations I have put responsibility for them being met on someone or something else.  Healthy ""boundaries" that I create, means I am going to honor them, I am going to cater to them. They are MINE, and therefore I am responsible for them.  It is not about the other person or situation at all.

Just take the word "expect" and replace it with "faith".  "I have faith that..." Now, does that not have a more solidified ring or tone to it?  Expect is about me or them.  Faith is about Him.  Humans will erre and situations will always go off course.  Faith in a power greater than myself, them or it is what I can trust.  MY expectations leave a lot of room for error and misjudgement.

John

 

 

i think my first reply was i was thinking of humans, having had a very unpleasent experience w/ A brother, whom I have NO expectations of becuz he can't even help himself......however, i do examine my expectations to make sure they are reasonable....

i have the right to expect truth from honest people.....i have the right to expect folks , say for example on this site or the other site I go to,  to behave themselves or to be addressed by moderators......like i said, its "ok"  IMO  to have REASONABLE expectations and if a person who is normally honest, dependable, ethical in their approach becomes different in a negative way, then i change my expectations of them and re-eval the relationship

i have a bio sister who abused me from day one of my birth....do i ever expect her to treat me like a human???  no....that is why she is not in my life anymore in anyway.......I do not accept abusive treatment so therefore separate myself from it.....

do i expect my responsible and good clients to pay me for my services??? Yes, becuz I have been with them for several years and they are all responsible , same as me...and it is fair to expect to be paid when the job is done

Reasonable expectations.....and reasonable expectations can change in a heartbeat ....case in point

years ago i had a client...nice guy...always paid me on the spot, when i delivered the books...i would write the check and he would sign.....one day, i brought his books to him and I laid his franchise taxes on the table with a BIG note..."Pay by the 20th"  and also told his lady assistant AND told him......he forgot to pay them,  paid them late and got fined..........and i had notes all over the desk for him to PAY the taxes...he just messed up.....I did everything but shove the taxes in his face w/a check for him to sign.....

i pick up his books the next month...nothing is said....i come back...books done....i write my check and he refused to sign....he refused to pay me for HIS mistake.....i told him that this changed things......from now on he will be "pay in advance" or please find another bookkeeper....

so i leave the office...next month i am deciding whether or not i even want to do business w/him and he calls me...."R you coming for my books???"  I said  "is their a signed check for me????"   he says   "i will pay you when books are done"   I said  "no you betrayed me once and i cannot afford to work for free, so its advance pay or we end our relationship"   he says  "ok, check will be in the bag.....i come to get the books..check is there...signed....I do his work.........i kept him on pay in advance for the duration becuz once betrayed i don't give a 2nd chance...especially since he never made amends and never paid me that one check he owed....he stubbornly clung to his decision to not pay me when his wife, his workers EVERYONE said he was WRONG to do that to me.......So..the rules were set....my expectations that i could trust him changed over this one foolish and unfair act he did against me  (and his refusal to mitigate the action)

his wife supported me.......come income tax time, SHE came to my office to get their taxes done....she told me he was embarrassed to come over that "deal"  and i told her that i got over it...he never paid me for the work i did and if he felt REAL bad he would have paid.....so the pay in advance rule stood.....she agreed.........

I must be doing ok by me becuz i am not resentful,  not mad and bitter at anyone bc i eval on a case to case basis....and that can change if they change......

my bio sister could *expect* to get away w/abusing me until i got into recovery,  changed....found some self respect and now abuse is not acceptable....so i changed and i set boundaries, and i stood to those boundaries...."here is the deal with me....."  she could not behave her self with me, always trying to slap me down and so i separated from her......i have zero expectation of her being anything but a toxic, repulsive woman who enjoys giving others pain......i can't relate to that...don't want to relate to that....so i have been  "done" with her for a long while now and i am happy

OK,,,nuf said on my take on expectations....its just a hell of a good topic and I love really tearing into a good "thought"  post......thanks, John......

I did a copy and paste of your share last night. I thought it was a very powerful and honest share and it struck a chord with me. I especially liked when you said when I let go of expectations... I get to take a breath... inhale and exhale...relax. I tried it today and so far so good. Thanks again. It was a great topic.