Guilting Dad - Al-Anon Family Group

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Guilting Dad

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi TT

I experienced this often as I am seeing a man who has 2 grown children and his Birthday and Holidays can become messy.

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I remember that I am powerless over others as the first Step suggests. We then looked to see how we could learn from what worked and what did not and go forward.

If people ware disappointed that your bf was not there he can simply acknowledge that he too missed them and hopes to connect with them some time in the future and then have him work it out. .

That worked for me

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't know how many invitations I get to go thru that door that "they" seem to hold open for me and then I remember, "We admitted we were powerless..." and then smile, hug and/or pat them on the back and continue on. I like simple...it works when I work it. ((((Tired Tonight)))). smile

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

(((TT))). You won't be able to put an end to her behavior, but you and your boyfriend can keep the honest discussions going as to your feelings about her behavior and the right action to take, if and when it is necessary. Take good care.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Great responses. (((TT))) It's not easy being a parent and it's common for children to be manipulative in different ways at various ages; children of As may have more exposure to it. I love my daughter dearly, but I notice that her motivation to manipulate is usually born from either selfishness, fear/ anxiety, or anger. She is not interested in Alanon, but is now becoming aware that some things aren't working out well for her and, in the right mood, she is open to learning new perspectives and healthier thought processes. I work on it with her by offering discussions about honesty and consideration for herself and for others. I keep it brief and simple. She's a young adult, but still growing up. Progress not perfection.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

counter this behavior. Ok this is what comes to my mind. You can't. Remember the ole we can control no one but ourselves? Her dynamics with her father are her own. His with her are his own.

I am thinking for you, since you want to help, would be to give him a hug and maybe ask well how do you feel about that? If he needs to vent ok. If not, it is not yours to figure out.

Sometimes for me, I have learned to cock my head in wonder at how people respond to each other, knowing I have to do nothing as it is not my inventory.

She is going to do or say whatever she does. He is an adult, it is up to him to respond or not to her.

So....how are you missy? hugs pretty lady, debilyn

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thanks for your es&h. It's greatly appreciated. So nice to have this board to vent a little.

wink TT

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