I'm feeling relieved but upset - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm feeling relieved but upset

oldergal · Senior Member

You are not being mean...please be good to yourself Cathy. Besides the truth is you have NO control over this situation. .....in support.....og

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

i don't see any "being mean" I see a lady letting go...detaching....tossing it to HP and moving on.....i see someone making her peace w/her pain and moving on

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

We don't really know why this is all happening....God has this aww

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

The "good" thing is that alcoholism will keep on doing what it does, and consequences will keep on happening. So there are always new chances for the alcoholic to see what the drinking leads to. Even if your ex gives him a home, your son's life will not go perfectly as long as he is drinking. Think of the alcoholics who have wealth, fame, luxury, and soft landings everywhere -- do they keep themselves from messing their lives up? Nope. So chances will still present themselves. It's always a challenge for us to keep letting go...

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

He cannot be that ignorant Cathy. He has to know what enabling means. Your X is choosing to believe he has some power he doesn't. It's okay. The soft landing is probably not going to kill your son but it certainly won't speed up his recovery.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

This is part of God's plan for him, Cathy. Your plan is different and is for you. I agree with pink chip. You never know where this may lead: life lessons for BOTH of them, I'm sure. Sending you lots of support and hugs!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Enabler after enabler steps up to the plate with my son. I've learned that I have no control over them either. When I feel the old emotions churning away again because another gal has stepped up the plate and tried to make life better for my son, I see I need to release myself again from focusing on him and his life and return again to focusing on myself and my life. On occasion, one of the "new gals" will call me to tell me her take on what kind of mother I should be. She feels sorry for him because Mom isn't footing the bill for his problems, rushing in to save him, making space at her holiday tables for him, taking him for rides, listening to his self-pity for hours, and saying hard things to him like "No. I'm not going to give you money." I listen. Then, I suggest Al-Anon. And, I know in a matter of days, weeks or a few months, she's also going to be calling to say how miserable she is due to his using. Again, I listen. Then, I suggest Al-Anon. It will be interesting to see how things get played out with your x and your son in the next few weeks. As Mattie said, alcoholism keeps on doing what it does and consequences keep on happening - not just for the person who uses, but the person who thinks they can help. Letting go of all of it and focusing on ourselves helps us keep our spirits up, our life mostly serene, and our witness to Al-Anon's benefits pretty polished up. (((C)))

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

He's knows about enabling....he's just so mad at me he will say anything to get a reaction. My reaction...OK with a smile.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

cat you are doing fine. Take this as a welcome rest, a breather. the A is going to do what he does. ex well hold onto your hat budi.

I shared my ex AH has been enabled by his mommy ever since i met him at age nineteen. then she got put in a group foster home, he moved in with one of her friends!!!! sickos.

ugh. he is almost sixty two. If he is still alive. I check once in awhile online. but who knows....

Must not feel very good being mad at you. how awful to carry bitterness. And you continue to carry beauty and love!

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

I thought about you today. I feel that it will be interesting to see how long your ex can be Mr. Nice Guy. You have been the one to handle all of this with your son. It does not sound like he has been that involved. Now he waltzes in and takes over and says you are a terrible person?? Let us see what happens when your son does to your ex when he has been doing to you. I think you have handled things really well. I am not a parent so have no idea how I would be in this situation.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Such grace in you Cathy

Look after yourself, you deserve lots of treats. Sending hugs (((((((Cathy))))))))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.