Feeling like a big fake! Need ESH!!! - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Feeling like a big fake! Need ESH!!!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

When I try to do everything that appears needing to be done on my own steam, I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker. When I turn everything over to include taking tests into my HP's hands and ask for guidance, I see things I can drop and things I can simplify. I also trust that when I've turned it over and acted on the guidance I've received, the outcome is in my HP's hands and I know that the outcome is always best for me. That takes a tremendous amount of angst and shame and guilt and self-damning out of my mind and heart and helps me resume a posture of acceptance, humility and trust in my HP and not just in my own resources.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh you got the itty bitty sh@#$ y committee going on. It had taken me a long time to get out of hearing constant chatter of oh look you can't do blah blah failure! They reappear from time I can take and look and say you can certainly say that and I'm not perfect .. I am doing the best I can and based upon my kids I'm not doing to dang badly. I also look back not to stare just to say ok .. look at what I have accomplished in this short amount of time. It's not all bad. BF, nursing school is not easy .. look at what you HAVE accomplished it's one grade in the big scheme of things in 5 months is not going to matter because it's in the past. Be gentle with yourself .. you are worth it. The other thing I ask myself is what am I afraid of and would I allow my best friend to talk to herself in that way. I wouldn't .. do why do I think It's ok for me to be that hard on me? Hugs sister, you are smarter than you realize, braver than you acknowledge and stronger than you imagined just keep doing the next right thing. Posties on the bathroom mirror help too. I am capable. I am lovable. I can do anything I set my mind to. I am smart. I am able to handle any obstical to obtain my dream. Love you .. sis

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Grateful and Serenity, the names and posts are spot on for you BF (and I am making your name mean Best Friend (for you)). I know lots of competent looking people that will admit they often feel like fakes (and those that won't admit it aww )....it is because we do have fake parts and it is ok, love 'em anyway. This is why we can never stop searching for our truth. Welcome to a very hug community. Hang in there, we are here.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Breaking Free

Remember it is one test, one day at a time. Keep showing up for yourself and know that you are an intelligent, brave, professional woman who can / has and will continue to overcome

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate, I can be so busy that when I stop its like a train has hit me. Thats why I dont like stopping and I get edgy when holidays approach. I am beginning to realise that part of taking care of myself is meditating. Taking the time to be still and calm, clear your mind and then work on your steps or your readings, connect with your HP. this always makes me feel better and more in the reality of my life rather than the fears and worries. I dont do this enough but I think I will make time for this tonight, Thanks for sharing.x

ParisMemories · Senior Member

Hi BF A colleague of mine just retired. I always looked up to her as a strong and intelligent woman, very well respected in our industry. She had adoring clients and was regularly invited to speak at medical conferences. Right before she left, she shared with me that almost everyday she feared that someone would discover that she was really a fraud, that she never truly felt confident despite all her accomplishments and accolades. I was shocked to hear it, because I thought I was alone in feeling like a big fake at work. I have decades before I retire, so I hope and pray that I can build my own confidence up in that time. But I also realize that we all feel like we don't measure up somedays. I admire my colleague for sharing that vulnerability with me. The lesson for me was to stop being so hard on myself. We can each be our own worst critic or our biggest supporter, it really is a choice. Keep the faith and believe in yourself. You are doing great!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

If its any help to you, statistics I read in the 90s showed that a vast majority of women believed they were fakes/frauds even though they were highly accomplished and their actions were anything but inept. Historically, women have had to fight to survive, bury their dreams, hide their gifts. (Witch burning in Salem for women being able to help heal isn't that long ago.) You are not alone in your thoughts or in your feelings. Thousands of women have felt the same way you do and thousands of others do, too. Our nation has not supported the dreams and efforts of women for generations. Women living on their own, raising kids, gaining the education they want for themselves, running businesses, sitting at board tables, being ordained as pastors, demanding equal pay for equal work has actually just happened since about the 70s. In some ways, you are a pioneer in the field of advancing the rights and the accomplishments of women.

Keep on with your dreams, BF, and allow for failure. Nothing we do will lead to a 100% success rate. Failures are simply ways to alter your course a bit - nothing more. I started where you are many years ago. I have led a successful organization that I created out of nothing almost 26 years ago. Yet, I have also struggled with self-doubt every day. I refuse to listen to it. If I did, I'd still be living in poverty and I wouldn't be able to say I did what few thought I could do - as a woman with 2 kids, no college, no contacts, no money and no female mentors to show me how to create, facilitate and sustain a successful non-profit.

So, come on, honey. Get up. Dust yourself off. Say you can do it. Alter your course a bit if you must and keep on keepin' on with your dreams for yourself and for your life.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 17th of December 2013 08:49:40 PM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I love these responses. I wish I had had women come forth when I was younger to share how we are sharing here, would have saved me a lot of angst! How are you doing now BF?

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I am calmer in my head and so grateful for the love that I knew was here to support me when I felt my legs stumble beneath me. I know I can do it and it is just a reminder I am human, still capable of reaching my goals, just a change of course and timing, story of my life, a reminder not in my timing but in my HP's, but I must keep a forward motion and stay on a healthy track. Thank you all!!! I so love the responses here. Thanks for asking PP, you are so very kind and I love the best friend comment! It is onward and upward just needed to wipe of the dirt and get a pat on the hinder to get back in there! Sending you all love and support on your journey's!!!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

smile

tortuga · Senior Member

Yes you are healthy, Yes you are healthy, and Yes you have been an inspiration to many women here... so please don't give up. I can relate to what you are describing. I had procrastination to one of my biggest character flaws....it's my fear, of not being good enough, not perfect enough... i'm scared of judgment...and I'm my fiercest judge actually. I'm still working on that...and a big lesson is: I'm HUMAN.
so allow yourself your humanity, your living your dream, and other girls will follow. It can be done, one day at the time. You have come a long way, give yourself a smack on the shoulder, you deserve it. and also no need to be strong every minute of every day. So it's good you came her to share with us.
Love and support

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

One thing to think about is that maybe somewhere down your road of life you will be the person encouraging someone else who failed at something - encouraging them because you truly know the feeling. My brain often turns to that kind of thinking when faced with obstacles - maybe I need this experience to be able to help someone else handle the same thing later in life. Just keep swimming.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Honey you are exausted and being hard on yourself. Finals or any tests are very pressuring.

You will get thru this I promise. No one has to be perfect,you know what you do. That pressure, you put on yourself. What is the worst that could happen? You might have to take a course over again. It just means you have more to learn. no big deal. time? heck with that, the time it takes you, it does.

I told professors all thru my 5 years of college, it is MY education, I learn slower becuz I want to be sure I have it right.I have a life, so may I turn this in a week later? Keep close to your uppers or supports at the college. What is the end goal hon? You want to know what you are doing. So it is good to find out where your strengths are and what more you need to learn!

Believe me you are doing fine. ONe foot in front of the other,and just get your body there. When you are in math, be in math, when you are in pharmacology be there. When you are with your kids, be there, home, be there. I would set a time for homework. I cannot stand to put things off. So I got things done. If I didn't understand I asked for clarity.

It's ok to take a day or two off too. becuz when you pick up again you will have more energy and enjoy what you are learning.

Finals make everyone nuts. I got a migraine every dang math final. I got A's but never felt it. so dumb.

This time is so temporary in your life. soak it in, enjoy it. Make sure you rest. work 30 min then take ten to close your eyes and meditate. We can only take in so much at a time.

In classes sometimes ya hit it off with a few people. Don't be afraid to ask if they want to do a study group. its fun, it lightens things up and you can help each other. just stay out of the drama. focus on the positive.

I know you will be fine, I know it. You already are.

please have faith in you, I do~! love,debilyn

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Passed my other final today and now just got a huge paper do tomorrow for my clinicals and I am done as of Friday, found out I can retake pharm and stay with my class, all is well, of course you all already knew it, Thanks for the love and support!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I wanted to share I hated those accelerated classes. Sure i retained it for about a week. passed but it then all went away. BUT I took all new stuff too. do you feel you gleaned anything from the first time? What made you fail? nerves, pressure or do you really not know the material?

did you decide anything yet? So you are saying you could lose your place in this one group of a class of nurses?

Is that important to you? Do you depend on them? Or are you more independant?

I hope this helps some. I am ALWAYS here for you. You can always call me too. I am not a telephone person, but my being able to call my Mother when I was on that campus losing it, meant so much! Sometimes we just need a shoulder...hugs!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

What great news, BF!!!! Thanks for sharing the end results with us. Happy for you.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

smile Great News BF

You are continuing to "Breadk Free".

Keep us updated

Prayers

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.