Sometimes I get angry when I think of the pain and suffering these children of ours cause us, but whats the use of that? They are oblivious, totally ignorant of the horrible feeling in the stomach, sleepless nights, fear and worry. They don't have a clue. They may listen if you try to tell them but they don't and probably cant understand. When they promise you that everything will be different, they probably mean it at the time but of course its not going to happen, well not for our sake that's for sure.

So it seems to me all we have got is to Let Go, let go of our offspring, they are not children anymore, they are adults and can make their own decisions. They are on they're own journey and if we are healthy parents we will stay on our own journeys. We have no business trying to divert them on to the path we think is right. How do we know we are the ones with the answers? How do we know that our path is better or the right path? Its right for us but we cant fit a square into a round hole. 

Some of the people I admire most in the public eye have often being down that wrong path and lived that wrong life getting for themselves experience of a dark place and some learning along the way. What if our adult children are destined for enlightenment at some point in their journey? and we keep butting in and stopping the journeys end?

I read in an Alanon book, cant remember the name, of a woman who rescued her alcoholic son from every scrape and bottom he reached. He moved away to try and escape her clutches but she tracked him down and brought him home and cleaned him up. This went on for years until the woman lost her husband through her behaviour, in the end all she had was her son, he sensed this burden and escaped one last time and he died on the streets. She loved him to death. She got Alanon and is learning to forgive herself. That story made me cry because I have the potential to do this, if I don't work my program and keep a hold of awareness I will love my son to death also. Ive got a long way to go, my son is very much in my life at the moment and its hard to keep hands off but I try to live by a few rules - I dont give him advice or suggestions or rows about his life. (most of the time) I don't make arrangements and organize his day (most of the time) I dont let him away with crossing boundaries (some of the time)

The miracle has kind of happened to me because I see my son as a seperate person now whereas before I saw him as a reflection or extension of me - I felt his pain or pain I imagined, I was to blame for his mistakes. I am a grateful member of Alanon and plan to be my whole life because without a plan to work with everyday and leave me to my own devices and I will go straight back to the old life. Thanks for listening.x